


The Prayer

by A Small World (Datawolf39)



Series: Start of Something Small [12]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Acceptance, Age Regression/De-Aging, CG!Katara, Enemies to Allies to Friends, Fluff, Found Family, Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Hakoda is a good man, Happy Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Insecurity, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Little!Zuko, Littles Are Known, Mental Breakdown, Non-Sexual Age Play, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Pacifiers, Panic Attacks, Playing, Self-Hatred, Switch!Sokka, Team as Family, Timeouts, Trauma, Trust, Zuko blames himself for everything, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko is his own harshest critic, Zuko's Tragic Backstory, a bit of self-harm, comeuppance, minor cannon divergence, naps, the gaang is a bit more understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26545948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Datawolf39/pseuds/A%20Small%20World
Summary: Zuko asking to join team Avatar went a bit differently.
Relationships: The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Start of Something Small [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1037940
Comments: 162
Kudos: 498





	1. Calling to you as I fall

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote one Little Zuko and couldn't get enough, so I wrote another. This one is going to be a bit more serious though.
> 
> Title is from the song by Måns Zelmerlöw. Seriously It's on a list of songs that I feel really fit Zuko. Give it a listen if you haven't heard it before.

He hadn’t planned on almost dying, again, before he tried to convince the Avatar and his friends that he had changed for the better, but considering the fact that they didn’t look like they were ready to kill him at this very moment, he decided to count it as a win.

“So, uh, hello, Zuko here,” he said, falling back on the introduction he had practiced with the badgerfrog, because really, he honestly had no idea what to say to them. At least the air bison seemed to like him well enough. Maybe he should have imitated Uncle again, because they couldn’t be mad if they were too busy being confused by some indecipherable words of wisdom.

His mouth was running, and he really had no idea what he was talking about, but he was half way certain, he was apologizing for, well being him, all he knew is that he needed to make them see that he was ready to do the right thing now, because he couldn’t just sit around, and watch his fa- the Fire Lord destroy the world.

Suddenly he finds himself doused with water, and he sputters and coughs. They look down on him, eyes angry, and accusatory. He gets it then. They think he is trying to trick them, that fighting the very assassin he sent after them, was nothing more than an elaborate ruse to gain their favor so that he could betray them at his earliest opportunity. Of course they would see it that way, he deserved their hatred. He had betrayed everyone, and everything, of course, they would assume he would do it again.

What is he supposed to do now? If they won’t take his help, then what path is left for him to take? His breathing is labored, his vision starts to blur, and for a moment he doesn’t recognize what’s happening to his body. 

“Panic attack,” someone says.

That explains it. He hasn’t had one in so long, he’d repressed what it felt like to have one. It was embarrassing, falling apart like this in front of them, worst still was the knowledge that they would think this was part of his ploy. He laughs. “I really… am… bad… at … being… good,” he pants. For some reason, it’s really funny, and he laughs some more. When’s the last time he really and truly laughed? Did it always hurt this much? Did _breathing_ always hurt this much?

Someone touches him, and he scrambles away. He doesn’t use fire. He won’t use it, not around them, not anymore, unless it is to teach the Avatar. He’s hurt them enough, and as vulnerable as he is, he doesn’t want to make them mad enough to kill him.

_Breathe, Prince Zuko. You must breathe._

Either he’s going crazy or it’s a memory, because the voice belongs to Uncle. He wished he had listened to him more often, and the least he can do is listen to him right now.

He steadies his breathing, and the tightness in his chest eases just a bit, just enough to convince him to keep at it. When he finally takes in a lungful of air, without trouble, he looks up to find that he is being watched. He should care, really, he should, but he was tired, and if they wanted to kill him, well, at least he would die in his sleep, and then he would no longer have to worry about the weight of his choices. Finally, he would be free.


	2. What is wrong and right now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their reaction to Zuko's panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where cannon starts to shift a bit.

Zuko is bad news, they all knew that. Surely this was just the most recent ploy to gain their trust, and then turn them over to the Fire Nation to reap the rewards.

The resolve to send him away weakens when, after being doused in water, which was definitely far kinder a reaction than he deserved, he starts to wheeze, and gasp like he was being suffocated. Then the tears began to flow as he hyperventilates. 

“He’s having a panic attack,” Aang says, easily recognizing the state from his own experiences.

“It could be another trick,” Katara cautions him, but her voice betrays how unsure she feels. Something here is different, but she really can't pinpoint what it is. 

“I really… am… bad… at … being… good,” Zuko pants. Then he dissolves into a bout of hysterical laughter, that sounds pained in a way that makes them all wince. 

This wasn’t a scene to carefully cultivated to gain their trust, they were truly witnessing the reaction a person pushed so far past the edge, that they were falling, and couldn’t care less about where they landed.

This brokenness tugged at all of them, especially Katara, and Sokka, because of their natures. Sokka was the first to give in to it, and he cautiously approached the soaking wet firebender. He reached out a hand slowly, anticipating a reaction, and ready to retreat at the first sign of ill intent, but the moment he made contact, Zuko scurried away as though the touch had burned him. 

They all froze, and watched him. Slowly, Zuko seemed to calm, and once his breathing was under control, he looked at them with the type of resignation that they had seen in the eyes of those who were truly devoid of hope. Then Zuko fell slumped on the ground in an unconscious heap.

“I think we should consider that he was being honest,” Aang says slowly.

“He wasn’t lying,” Toph said. “Everything he was saying before he broke down, was the truth.”

“We can’t just leave him there,” Sokka adds.

Katara groans. She had trusted him once, and had paid for it, but... there was something about his eyes, and the way he had looked at them. He had resigned himself to the fact they might take their revenge while he was unable to protect himself, and he didn't seem to care. She sighed and looked around at all of them, they all wanted to help him, and honestly so did she. For better or worse, they simply cared too much to ever let someone who was clearly suffering, endure it alone when it was in their power to help. “Let’s make him comfortable, we’ll hear him out when he wakes up,” she decides.

Katara dries him off, and shifts him to a bedroll, and it is startling how underweight he is. He looks truly stressed, even in slumber, and that too is worrisome. What could have happened to him? She wonders as she examines him for signs of injuries. Other than a few scratches, and being underfed, he seems to be in good health, physically at least.

“Do you think he’s really changed this time?” Aang asks.

Katara can tell how much he wants to believe. 

“I don’t know,” she says. “But I believe that we owe it to ourselves to see if he has.”

“I think he has, at least a little,” Toph says. “I heard him practicing his speech the night he burned me, and he seemed really sorry for it. I think he was just super worked up because he has nobody with him right now.”

“What do you mean?” Katara asked.

“Well, he’s alone, right? If he’s here, and he has changed for real, that means he’s a traitor to his nation, and I don’t see his uncle anywhere, so it looks like the old man’s gone too.”

Sokka frowns.

“What’s the matter?” Katara asks him.

“I just… it feels like we’re missing something big. He was super awkward, like he had no idea how to talk to people. He’s a prince right? Shouldn’t he be used to making speeches and stuff? And he’s been chasing us since Aang came out of the ice. He couldn’t have known about that so quickly, so what was he doing out there already. Plus the scar is old, it’s been there for years, and it probably took a long time to heal, so he had it before he started chasing us. It doesn’t look like something that happened on accident. So much about him, it just doesn’t make sense when you really look at it.”

Sokka is right, and in her rage Katara had always hurried to push such things aside. She wouldn’t do that anymore. If she was going to be mad at him, it should be for his actions alone. “We’ll ask him. Aang really does need to learn to firebend, and we don’t have a lot of options. I don’t think he’ll be up for a while, so we'll have dinner, and get ready for bed early tonight.” The others nod, and begin to set up for the meal.


	3. The boy no one knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko is (finally) Little

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite bit our of what I have written for this story so far.

He wakes up laying on something soft as a cloud. The breeze is nice, and for the first time in Agni knew how long, he felt as though he was safe. It was stupid, because he was never ever safe, not once his mom had left anyway, and really not even before then. He’d had the illusion of safety under her protection, but truly, from the moment he had been born, safety was something he had lacked.

He tried to drill that into himself, but the fact was that his control had been pulled too far, and had snapped. He had always walked a fine line of trying to be everything he was supposed to be, and his own nature. Never once had he given in to the impulses. It had been easy at first. Ozai was not a very nurturing man, and once mother had left, Zuko had conformed to the ideas of his father as best he could. His nature still crept up, making him speak when he should be silent, and weak where he should be strong, but he never allowed himself to fully give in to it. 

The day he had received his scar, he imagined that very nature burned away with the flesh, and all that remained to him was to reclaim his honor. The closest he had come to giving in was living with his Uncle in Ba Sing Se, but he had never allowed himself to truly embrace it, because of the shame that flowed through his every thought. He was flawed, and broken, so he was undeserving of any kindness, and Uncle had already offered to much for him to take any more. 

But now, having given in to his fate, having decided that he didn’t care if death was what awaited him, that nature, so long trampled and repressed sprang forth for the very first time.

Tears slid down his face, but he stayed quiet, it was early, and Zuko knew that good boys were seen and not heard. He could be a good boy. He knew he could. He just had to try super hard, and then he could prove it. Maybe he should clean up something? Uncle smiled at him when he did chores without being told to. 

Zuko whimpered at the thought of his Uncle, but quickly bit his lip to end the sound. Seen not heard or better yet, not seen, and not heard. He smiled. That was it! He could teach the Avatar firebending, he might burn himself a bit, but that would be okay, and then just disappear until he was needed again for more chores or more lessons.

So what chores could he do? He looked around, he could start with the bedroll. He would miss its softness, because he would be sleeping on the ground from now on. He was bad to them, and he deserved to be punished. He shivered thinking about what they would do to him. He wouldn’t cry though. He was strong enough not to cry in front of them.

The first try was sloppy, so he undid it, and tried again. It was better that time, so he looked around for something else he could do. 

“What are you doing?” A voice asked.

Zuko jumped, and turned to face the owner of the voice. He squared his shoulders, and said, “looking for some chores to do.” He was happy at how brave he sounded because he knew the waterbender was scary, and he knew she could easily hurt him if she wanted to.

“Why?”

He frowned, not understanding how she didn’t understand. “Cause I was bad. Should I just go away? But then I can’t do fire lessons.” Zuko bit on his index finger trying to puzzle out how he could go away, and still teach how to bend fire. If Uncle were here, he would know what to do. He shook away the tears that formed at the thought of his Uncle, he needed to think.

“Katara, Zuko, what’s happening?” Aang asked.

Zuko looked up at him. Duh, he could just ask the Avatar! Surely he would know what to do because he was the Avatar. After taking his finger from his mouth he spoke. “Nobody wants me, and that’s okay, cause I was bad, and deserve not to be wanted by anybody. But you have to learn how to use fire, cause it is important. I can teach you, I’m not the best, but I know how to do some stuff, but I need to be here for that, but I should leave because I’m not wanted. How can I leave and still tell you how to use fire?”

Now even the Avatar was looking at him weirdly. He was just trying to do the right thing. It wasn’t fair. Was he supposed to know the answer somehow? He gnawed on two fingers trying to puzzle it out. Maybe he could hide behind a pillar, and tell him what to do? Maybe he could draw pictures for him to follow?

_Maybe you should let them punish you. Let them get it out so you can help the Avatar. Lessons in the day, punishments in the night. And on the plus side it won’t be too bad because you’ll need to be able to move to teach._

The voice sounded like his own, but not. It was right though. He could do this. He was brave. He got down on his knees, head bowed, and ready to accept being punished. It was day time now, but he could manage a day in pain. He had done it before lots and lots of times. 

More footsteps. Everyone seemed to be awake now. He swallowed. He had been punished in public before, and at least this time it would not be in front of a whole lot of people. This wouldn’t be as bad as that time.

Talking was going on, but he didn’t pay attention to it. On one hand it was good, because the longer they talked, the longer he was not forced to endure pain. On the other hand, he had to wait for the pain to come, which was in it’s own way painful too. Would they forget he was there, maybe?

“Zuko,” the voice was so soft and sweet that it couldn’t be meant for him.

“Zuko,” she said again. 

That was his name. He gazed up into blue eyes. “Yes... ma'am?”

“Why are you kneeling?”

So she wanted him to confess before his punishment? He could do that. “I hurt, and chased all of you. I was really bad and stupid. I have to teach the Avatar to use fire, he needs to be able to to defeat fa- the Fire Lord. I accept any and all punishment, from all of you, whenever you want. Just please make it not too bad in the daytime. Daytime is best for using fire, cause of the sun, and it’s not easy to bend while in pain. I can do it though, I promise.”

Katara kneeled before him, and her hand reached for the unscarred side of his face.

Zuko flinched, expecting her to hit him, but, her fingers, at once cool, and warm, simply rested on his cheek. “Zuko, what’s your Classification?”

He swallowed, lying would be bad, and make everything worse for him. “Little, I’m a Little, but I’m good at being a Baseline, promise I am. I don’t need extra care or anything, I never even been Little before so I can go a super long time. Fath- Everyone knows Littles are useless, and shouldn’t exist, so I can be a Baseline till you tell me to go away.”

Tears roll down Katara’s cheek, and Zuko wonders what he had done wrong. He looks around, and finds the others in similar states. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” he repeats again, and again. He didn’t mean to make them cry. “I’ll go I promise. I can find someone else to teach how to bend fire.” His voice breaks, and he sobs, because they’re crying, and he can’t help it. Katara pulls him into a hug, and he can feel the energy she gives off. Pure Caregiver, through, and through. It makes him cry harder, because once upon a time, his mama was the one holding him like this.

“Mama,” he says, because he misses her, and he wishes she was there with him. “I want my mama!” 

The others settle in around him, touching him. It should be unsettling, because yesterday, and even this morning, he was sure they wanted him to be dead, but it isn’t. They are comforting, and he cries, and cries, and cries, because he never got to. He cries for his missing mama, he cries for not being better to his Uncle, he cries because his family is all messed up, and he cries for himself.

Eventually, he runs out of tears, but he still clings to Katara, because he’s not ready to let go, he's already given in, and he's tired of having to be the strong one. She hums as she rocks him gently, it’s soft and sweet, clearly a lullaby. He lets it sooth him, and finally he manages to pull away from her. 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Sokka orders him.

Zuko’s mouth snaps shut.

Sokka pulls him into a fierce hug. Zuko doesn’t understand why, but he clings, because he doesn’t know if he will get another one. Sure, they seemed to care about him now, but the moment he was Big again all bets would be off.

“Zuko,” Aang says. 

Reluctantly, Zuko pulls away from Sokka to gaze at him. 

Aang looks determined, and far older than he should. “Will you be my teacher?”

Zuko nods. “I’ll go away right after,” he promises.

“Is that what you want to do?” Katara asks.

“No, but nobody would want to keep me.” His voice is matter-of- fact.

“Sparky, you are seriously messed up,” Toph says. 

“Tara, please make him stop,” Sokka cries.

“Come here, baby bear,” Katara says as she hugs her brother. 

He goes willingly into her embrace, and they simply fit, like they have done this so many times, it is second nature to them. Zuko had never been more jealous, but he's also confused, because Sokka didn't feel like a Little.

“Sokka’s a Switch,” Katara explains, “and when he gets overwhelmed, he falls hard, one way or the other.”

“I’m allowed to stay?” Zuko asks timidly, unable to help himself.

“Yeah. We are going to have some rules, but that can wait until you’re Big.”

Zuko nods as he starts to fall to one side, before he shakes himself awake, and sits up.

“Baby bear, would you like to nap with our new friend?”

Sokka nods, and Katara offers a hand to a wide-eyed Zuko. The shock makes him compliant, and it’s easy enough to tuck them in together. Sokka, clings to him, physically telling Zuko to stay, and Zuko doesn’t seem to mind at all, because he gives an angelic smile, puts his thumb in his mouth, and in the next instant he is asleep.


	4. A boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other side of the last installment

Katara was on guard duty, and even if she wasn’t she still wouldn’t have been able to sleep. Sure, she had agreed that Zuko could stay until they could see what his real intentions were, but that was mostly because Aang really needed someone to teach him to firebend. Her protective instincts were still on high alert though, so much of the night had passed restlessly for her.

As the very first rays of sun touched the temple, Zuko started to stir. Katara ducked behind a pillar eager to see what he would do when he thought himself unobserved.  At first, all she could see was the shaking that often accompanied crying, and then she heard a small whimper. It almost broke her resolve to just observe him, but she held still, she needed to see what he would do, otherwise she would always be plagued with doubts.

Moments later, Zuko was up, and rolling the sleeping mat sloppily. He seemed dissatisfied with the results as well, because he undid it, and tried again. While it was still rather sloppy, she had to admit that it was better than his first attempt. It showed though, that he was not used to the task.

After he finished that, he started to wander around as though looking for something. Everyone was sleeping, huddled together in the opposite direction of his search. Maybe it would be a good idea to hear him out. He had the chance to do something horrible, but he hadn’t. Sure, it could be part of the ploy, but something in her was telling her differently.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

Zuko jumped, and turned to face her. He squared his shoulders, and said, “looking for some chores to do.” 

“Why?” She asked him stunned both at the words, and at the tone in which they were spoken. He almost sounded… but surely that couldn’t be the case, right? 

He frowned. “Cause I was bad. Should I just go away? But then I can’t do fire lessons.” 

The last lingerings of doubt disappeared when Zuko put his index finger in his mouth, and started to chew on it. His expression said that he was trying to figure something out, and was having very little luck with it.

“Katara, Zuko, what’s happening?” Aang asked, as he moved closer to them.

Zuko looked at Aang like he held all the answers to all his problems. “Nobody wants me, and that’s okay, cause I was bad, and deserve not to be wanted by anybody. But you have to learn how to use fire, cause it is important. I can teach you, I’m not the best, but I know how to do some stuff, but I need to be here for that, but I should leave because I’m not wanted. How can I leave and still tell you how to use fire?”

Katara and Aang didn’t know how to react to that. Zuko was clearly deeply in Littlespace, and the honesty in his statement could not be denied. He believed himself unwanted and unloved. His only goal was to teach Aang to firebend, and he was certain they wouldn’t want him around even for that.

Before they could come up with any response whatsoever, Zuko got down on his knees, his head bowed, and both of them recognized the position for what it was. 

Sokka and Toph came over then, both of them concerned by the situation. 

“Is he-” Sokka starts.

Katara nods.

“That explains a lot,” Toph says.

“I always thought he was chasing us out of loyalty to his father, but I don’t think that’s the whole reason, not anymore,” Aang says.

“Zuko,” Katara called. Her voice was soft, and gentle in a way she never would have expected to use with him. He startles at the sound of his name, but doesn’t move. The conclusions that she is drawing from his current behavior is really starting to break her heart.

“Zuko,” she tries again. 

He gazed up at her. “Yes… ma'am?”

“Why are you kneeling?”

He gave a nod, as though something had occurred to him, and then he started to speak. “I hurt, and chased all of you. I was really bad and stupid. But I have to teach the Avatar to use fire, he needs to be able to to defeat fa- the Fire Lord. I accept any and all punishment, from all of you, whenever you want. Just please make it not too bad in the daytime. Daytime is best for using fire, and it’s not easy to bend while in pain. I can do it though, I promise.”

A wave of shock passed through them as they parsed all of that out. He really thought they were going to hurt him, and then force him to teach Aang to firebend!? He was not only expecting it, but was actively okay with it, as long as he wasn’t incapacitated long enough to disrupt morning training?

Katara couldn’t take it anymore. She knelt before him, and reached for the side of his face that was unmarred.

Zuko flinched, like he was expecting her to strike him, but, he didn’t move, and she allowed her hand to cup his cheek. “Zuko, what’s your Classification?”

He swallowed, and looked more scared than she had ever seen him. She could practically hear his heart thumping away in his chest at a breakneck pace. “Little, I’m a Little,” he whispered, “but I’m good at being a Baseline, promise I am. I don’t need extra care or anything, I never even been Little before so I can go a super long time. Fath- Everyone knows Little’s are useless, and shouldn’t exist, so I can be a Baseline till you tell me to go away.”

Tears rolled down Katara’s cheeks then because everything that she had tried not to acknowledge, locked into place for her. Her instincts had not been trying to warn her of the danger presented by Zuko, they had been trying to tell her she needed to shield him from the danger, and this time the danger was his own sense of worthlessness.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” he repeats again, and again. “I’ll go I promise. I can find someone else to teach how to bend fire.” His voice breaks, and he sobs.

Katara holds him close, unable to fight her instincts anymore. He had done some awful things, yes, but he was not responsible for a war started long before he had been born. Being raised in a propaganda ridden nation would warp anybodies thoughts, and if Ozai truly believed Littles should not exist, and she didn't have a problem believing that, it only made sense that Zuko would do anything in order to receive the affection that Littles yearned for, no matter how much they suppressed their needs.

Her heart finally breaks when he cries out, “Mama, I want my mama!” 

The others settle in around them both, even Toph, Baseline though she was, needed to be close. Zuko clings to Katara , and cries, and she holds him just as tightly.

She can see clearly that the others are also reevaluating Zuko’s actions as well, and seeing how a lot of his behavior fits now that they have this new piece of information. All is definitely not forgiven, not yet any way, but the rage his presence once incited is a thing of the past.

Eventually, he runs out of tears, but he still clings to Katara, She softly hums a lullaby she remembered her mother had once sang for her, and Sokka. It seems to sooth him, and finally, he pulls away from her embrace.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Sokka orders, when he sees Zuko’s mouth open. Anger, rage, and sadness, are swirling around his body, making it difficult for him to keep his nature in check.

Zuko’s mouth snaps shut.

Sokka pulls him into a fierce hug. He needs the contact, and he thinks Zuko needs it too, because the boy melts into the embrace, clinging like it might be the last time he ever gets a hug.

“Zuko,” Aang says. 

Zuko slowly pulls away from Sokka to gaze at him. 

Aang looks determined, and far older than he should. “Will you be my teacher?”

Zuko nods. “I’ll go away right after,” he promises.

“Is that what you want to do?” Katara asks.

“No, but nobody would want to keep me.” His voice is matter-of- fact, like it was the only option that could prove to be true.

“Sparky, you are seriously messed up,” Toph says. No one argues with her, because despite how she put it, it is the truth.

“Tara make him stop,” Sokka cries. His emotions were going haywire from the emotions present in the conversation, and Zuko's certainty that he was useless outside his ability to bend fire, had pushed him over the edge.

“Come here, baby bear,” Katara says as she hugs her brother. 

He goes willingly into her embrace, and they simply fit, because they have done this so many times, it is second nature to them.

Zuko looks on in confusion, and longing. 

“Sokka’s a Switch,” she explains, “and when he gets overwhelmed, he falls hard, one way or the other.”

“I’m allowed to stay?” Zuko asks timidly, unable to help himself.

“Yeah. We are going to have some rules, but that can wait until you’re Big.”

Zuko nods as he starts to fall to one side, before he shakes himself awake, and sits up.

“Baby bear, would you like to nap with our new friend?”

Sokka nods, and Katara offers a hand to a wide-eyed Zuko. 

Moments later he is settled back on the comfortable cloud, and Sokka is snugly wrapped around him. Both of them are asleep not even a minute later.


	5. To belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko wakes up, and they all have a heart to heart

The next time he wakes up, the sun is high in the sky, and his bladder is uncomfortably full. He manages to escape Sokka grasp, and goes off to relieve himself. By the time he returns the others are awake, and serving lunch.

“Come join us, Zuko,” Katara says, pointing to an empty spot, between Aang and Sokka.

He’s hesitant, but if they didn’t hurt him while he was unable to protect himself, surely they wouldn’t do it now. “Thanks,” he says as he sits down, and accepts a bowl of stew.

He clears his throat. “Um about before… thanks for, you know, being nice about it. I never lost control like that before, so, yeah,” he finishes lamely, then takes a bite of the stew, as a distraction.

“Do you realize how dangerous that is?!” Katara asks. She sounds really mad too.

“Um… it is?”

Everyone’s attention is suddenly on him, like he’s just said something crazy.

“Zuko, you really don’t know?” Aang says.

“Know what?” Zuko asked, starting to get frustrated.

“Even Baselines know that when a Little or a Caregiver resists their natures it can lead to erratic behavior, mental illness, and even death,” Toph says.

Zuko swallows hard. “I didn’t know that,” he says. Of course Fat- Ozai wouldn’t tell him that. He laughs. “I should have known.”

“You should have known what?” Sokka asks. His voice is hard, apparently he was leaning into the other side of his nature now, and that really called to Zuko.

He laughs again. “He always said that I was lucky to be born, of course he wouldn’t care if I lived or died. After all, he burned half my face, and sent me on a fool's errand to find the Avatar, when he banished me. Guess I really am stupid for not seeing that sooner.” He laughed again, he really was a fool, Uncle could impart all the wise proverbs he knew, and that wouldn’t change.

“Burned half your face?” Katara repeats slowly, like the words are part of some language that is foreign to her. 

“You didn’t know? It’s common knowledge, it was a public event, after all.”

Crap. They’re crying again. Oh they're trying to hide it, but he an still tell. “It’s not so bad.” He says in an attempt to mitigate the damage. It’s a futile effort. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, no, I’m happy you did. It explains a lot.” Katara says, as she wipes away the tears.

“So, yeah, you said something about rules.” He says to change the subject.

“Really, it’s just one.” Katara said. She knew he was changing the subject, but she was willing to let him, because she needed a break from his utter nonchalance over such overwhelming trauma. “You have to let yourself accept your nature whenever it asserts itself, unless it is too dangerous to.”

“I don’t understand.”

“To put it simply, it’s a problem for all of us if you deny your nature,” Toph says. 

“You’d go feral? For me?” He’d seen feral Caregivers. They were fierce, and dangerous in that state, and a perceived threat to someone they cared for was as good as dead. It was the only part of the whole dynamic that Ozai cared for.

Katara nodded. “At first I thought that my instincts were telling me to protect everyone from you, but even then they were trying to tell me to protect you, from you.”

“I don’t know how to let myself do that,” Zuko admits.

“You just have to let it happen.” Sokka says. “If you don’t it will mess you up really bad.”

“I’ve been okay so far.” Zuko argues.

Sokka shakes his head. “I know, it’s not that I don’t think you can, it’s that I know you shouldn’t.”

“You did it before?”

“Yeah. I thought being Little would slow us down, and that it was more trouble than I was worth. I never indulged that side, I hadn’t felt the need to, and I figured that it wasn’t the time to start since we were trying to save the world. The stress was bad though, and the more ignored it, and leaned into my Caregiver side, the more it tried to surface. Eventually, Katara went feral, and I fell hard. I couldn’t surface for three days, and even after I did, it took weeks to find my balance again, even with Toph helping.”

“Isn’t she a Baseline?”

“Baselines temper the extremes, Zuko,” Katara explains. “When a Little or a Caregiver are locked up in their natures, a Baseline can help them settle.”

“Oh.” He tried to imagine Ozai or Azula settling someone’s nature. He shook the thought away quickly. “What if…” 

“Yes?” Soft and sweet, the voice of a Caregiver, truly willing to care for him, was a siren song.

“What if it’s a lot?” Already, he could feel it bubbling up, the side that he had pushed down since before he knew what it was, it was through being ignored, and was eager for freedom.

“We’ll deal with it, like we deal with everything else,” Aang says.

Zuko turns to him.

“Together,” Aang finishes.

The Little part of him takes over, and suddenly his face is once more wet with tears. Such a short time ago, they were all his enemies, and now, they were giving him the one thing that he had wanted most, a place where he, Zuko, the person he had become, and the Little he was never allowed to be, really belonged. All he could do was hope that they wouldn't regret it later.


	6. After the dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko and Aang converse after meeting the dragons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the plan is to show moments after the life changing field trips. They all still happen, just the aftermath is fitted to this universe. After that I have no clue, so now would be the time for suggestions if you've got any.

As they flew back to the temple after meeting the dragons, Zuko decided to ask something that had been on his mind for a while.

"How are you Classified?"

Aang looks at him. "I'm not. Avatars are always all and none."

"I don't understand."

"I can fit any role if I need to. Like if you needed a Caregiver right now I could do it, but when others who are suited for each other are around, I can’t fill any role." After a moment of silence, Aang looked over his shoulder and saw that Zuko looked a little sad. “What’s the matter?”

“I just, well, I feel bad that we had to do all this before I could teach you how to firebend. I wasted all that time, and then couldn’t do the one thing I was supposed to.”

“Zuko, this was not a waste of time. We got to meet dragons! If anything that makes the trip worth it.”

“Don’t patronize me!” Zuko paled. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to- I just-”

“It’s okay, Zuko.”

“It’s not! I mess everything up, I always do.”

“Name somebody who has never made a mistake.”

Zuko opens his mouth, and then closes it. “That’s not the point,” he says.

“I ran away, because I was too scared to face the future, and I burned Katara the first time I tried to firebend. Do you hate me for that?"

“What?! No. If you hadn’t run, you probably would have died, and of course you would make mistakes when you try to bend an element without a teacher to guide you.”

“So, it’s okay for me not to be perfect, but that doesn’t apply to you?”

“It’s not the same, you’re the Avatar."

“So you don’t think Katara or Sokka or Toph, have ever done something they regret?”

“No, I mean, yes, but-”

“Zuko, you don’t have to be perfect, no one is. You just have to be you.”

“What if that’s not good enough?” he asks softly. 

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?”

“What do you see?” Zuko’s voice was a heartbreaking mixture of hope, and fear.

“I see a person who has been betrayed, attacked, lied to, and hurt. I see someone who tried his best to get what he wanted, and was brave enough to realize that he was wrong when he got it. I see someone who is willing to change, willing to be a sacrifice, to help the world achieve peace. I see my friend Zuko, who is a powerful firebender, and a Little.”

“Aang…”

“I also see a person who should get all the hugs in the world, but,” and here Zuko knew that he was pouting, even if he couldn’t see it, “I can’t right now cause I gotta steer Appa.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “Soon as we land,” Zuko promised.

Aang flashed him a brilliant smile, like Zuko was the one doing him the favor.

  
  


“Zuko.”

“Zuko.”

Zuko groaned, and rolled over, doing his best to ignore the voice. He was way too comfy to get up.

“Zuko,” the voice called again. This time it was clearly laughing, so he cracked open an eye. 

“We’re back,” Aang said gently.

“Kay, imma jus sleep a bit more,” Zuko slurs.

“It’s time for dinner, and you promised me hugs,” Aang says.

Zuko yawns, as he sits up. In that instant, an idea pops into his head. Once, he would have discarded the thought quickly than he had thought it, but now, he simply acted. 

With nimble movements, Zuko threw himself at the Aang. 

Aang fell backwards with the force of the movement, and Zuko smiled triumphantly, at his victory, as he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.

Maybe if he hadn’t been caught up in his victory, he would have noticed Aang’s intent before, but he was, so it came as a shock when he suddenly found that he was being tickled.

Zuko shrieked, and pulled back immediately. 

Aang wasn’t willing to let him get away so easily, judging from his smile, so Zuko scrambled down from the saddle, and ran as fast as he could.

“You can run, but you can’t hide!” Aang teased, as he chased him.

Zuko laughed, and kept running, until he was in the safest place he could find.

“No fair,” Aang whined.

Katara made a show of appearing stern. “Aang I told you to get him for dinner, not scare him to death.”

Aang dramatically flopped to the ground. “Not fair.”

The others laughed at the display, and then Katara turned to Zuko. “Are you ready for dinner?”

He nods, and then settles into his usual spot. 

Aang sent a small gust of wind his way, ruffling his hair. 

Zuko shot him a surprised look, and Aang started whistling, as though he had no idea why he had Zuko’s attention.

“Here you go,” Katara said, handing him a bowl.

“Thank you,” he said softly. 

It was still hard to believe that only a few days had passed since he had joined them. It felt like a lifetime ago. Already, he was so comfortable, that even his long hidden Little side, came out often, and it was scary how natural it felt. Surely, this had to be an accident or a dream.

A sudden poke to his side, derailed his thoughts, and he turned to Sokka. “What was that for?”

“You had your ‘I’m not worth it face' on.”

“Sorry.”

“What were you thinking about?”

Zuko sighed. “I’m just concerned about how easy I slip in and out of being Little. Change has never come easy to me before.”

“Well, you were well overdue for an easy one then.”

“That simple huh?”

“Yup.”

Zuko smiled. He was willing to accept that, after all, he wasn’t the one getting the short end of the stick for once, and if they were content to have him here, he wasn’t stupid enough not to take what he was being offered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the support on this one. I'm really proud of this one, and have been having a lot of fun with it.


	7. A family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Boiling Rock escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't think I would get a chap up today (I'm trying to be responsible and have another chap written before posting a chap) turns out, this story really wants to be written yay!

Once they were far enough away from the prison to feel certain that they would not be followed, Hakoda took his son aside, something had been on his mind, and it would be nice to have some answers.

“Son, what’s his deal?”

Sokka looks at him with a hardened expression, and for a moment all Hakoda can do is lament that the war has forced his son to grow up so quickly.

Sokka sighs. He had known the question was coming, but he still didn’t know how to answer it. Zuko was manning the engine, which, incidentally, put him away from everyone else. Truly, it was driving Sokka nuts. On one hand, he wanted to take care of him, and on the other, he wanted to be with someone that understood how it felt to be Little. The worst part of it, was that he was well aware that any attempt he made would be rebuffed, because Zuko was still in mission mode.

“Son?”

“It’s not my place to tell you, dad,” Sokka says. It’s true, but he still feels bad about it.

Hakoda nods, and smiles at him. “I understand.”

Sokka sighs again, and hugs his father.

Hakoda is a bit surprised, but he lovingly wraps his arms around his son. 

Katara is there when they disembark, and all of them present see the feral glint in her eyes. 

Chit Sang, and Suki, immediately backed off, and headed away from her, not wanting to be perceived as threats. Sokka, Zuko, and Hakoda stayed where they were.

Somewhere in her mind, Katara registers that her dad is there, safe and uninjured, but her instincts are in control of her, and she can’t ignore them. “You took him into danger!” she snaps at Sokka.

Sokka bows his head. “Yes.” He offers no excuses, he knew what he had done, and he had known what it would do to his sister. He didn’t regret it, he could never regret it, because they had both made it back with Hakoda, and Suki, in tow, but he did regret what it did to Katara.

She growled at him, and he stood his ground, willing to take her anger.

“Please, don’t be mad at him. I made him take me. I knew we had a better chance if we went together.”

Katara turns to Zuko, her eyes are wild, and Zuko forces away his Little side. Sure, it would serve to quell her anger, but he didn’t want to do it that way. She needed to know that he was responsible for his own actions, and he needed to pay whatever price that incurred.

“Do you know how worried I was?!”

“I’m sorry,” they said together.

She walked over to them, and pulled them both into a fierce hug, needing the contact to calm herself, to convince herself, that they were here, safe with her. “Can you- I need-” she stutters. The anger is drained from her, and they both feel the tug of her nature, and Sokka willingly gives in to it. 

“I’m so sorry Tara,” Sokka cries.

“Sorry,” Zuko adds in a whisper.

Katara breathes. They’re okay. Both of them are okay. Sokka is her little baby bear, and now she only needs Zuko to let go.

She pulls back, and is treated to a pained look. “Zuko?” she asks softly.

“Can’t,” he says, and the word sound strangled.

At first she thinks it’s that he doesn’t want to give in, but the panic in his expression, and the sound of his voice, makes her rethink that. Then she gets it. He’s been free with his regression ever since the first time, but he had been forced to lock it away, because of the danger they were, and now, he couldn’t give in to his nature.

“My poor little duckling,” she coos. 

Zuko looks at her. “Duckling?” he whispers.

“Yes. Sokka is my baby bear, and you’re my duckling. Do you like that name?”

Zuko answered her question with a nod. Then his breathing hitched, and his face crumbled. “I was… so scared!” he cried out. 

Sokka released his hold on Katara, and hugged Zuko. “Me too, Zuzu. I’m sorry, I'm super sorry.”

Zuko pulled back, and glared at Sokka. “I choose to go,” he said firmly.

“Still sorry.”

Zuko frowned, and then a sly look came over his face. “Cuddles. you have to give me lots and lotsa cuddles to pay me back.”

Sokka pulled back, and held out his hand to Zuko.

Zuko took it into his own, and they shook hands.

Both of them tried to stay serious, but they made the mistake of looking at each other, and Sokka smiled. Zuko smiled back, his expression full of mirth. Sokka made a small squeak as he tried to keep his composure. Zuko was completely trembling now, and then they both dissolved into laughter. 

Katara, ruffled the hair of both her boys, and they both quickly scurried away from her hands. 

Zuko bumped into something solid, and jumped when a voice said, “Careful.”

Until that point, Zuko had forgotten about Hakoda. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it was an accident.” he shivered, in fear as he stood there wondering what his punishment would be.

Katara, and Sokka were quickly by his side, but in his panic nothing they said got through to him.

Hakoda felt sick. The fear he was seeing, couldn’t be more disproportionate to the situation. It spoke of abuse, and seeing that Zuko was a Little, slotted a great deal of information in place for him. He cast a look at his daughter. Zuko’s fear had her on high alert even though she knew he was in no danger.

“May I?” he asks. He knows how she feels.

She nods stiffly.

He bends down, putting himself on a lower level than Zuko. “I’m not mad at you,” he says gently. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re a good boy. So sweet, kind, and brave.”

Zuko blinks. “Good?”

Hakoda nods. “So good.”

“But… Fa- Ozai said-”

Hakoda feels his anger rise, as more and more of his guesses prove to be correct, but he pushes it down when Zuko winces. “Your father,” Hakoda says in a low growl, “is an idiot.”

“Yeah,” Sokka chimes in. Then he smiles big and bright. “Your dad sucks. Wanna share mine?”

Zuko looks back and forth between Sokka and Hakoda. 

“He can, right, daddy?”

“Sounds like a perfect idea to me,” Hakoda agrees, pulling his son into a hug.

“But I’m- you are- and it-” Zuko sputters.

Hakoda smiles. “Is that what you want?”

“You would let me belong to you? But you have them,” he says with a glance at Katara and Sokka.

“The more the merrier,” Hakoda says.

“Please Zuzu, pretty please! If you say yes we’ll be brothers for real.”

Zuko swallows, and looks up at Hakoda with so much hope that it hurts. 

Hakoda opens his arms. 

Zuko studies him, and then, hesitantly moves into the embrace. He’s trembling, and Hakoda wraps his arms securely around the boy. 

As he hugs him, Hakoda can’t help, but feel some pity for Ozai. How broken was he,that he wouldn't treasure this child he had been blessed with? How damaged, did the man have to be not to notice what an amazing person Zuko was becoming? The boy was brave enough to perform a rescue with such a small chance of success, out of loyalty to Sokka. Brave enough, to be vulnerable with people that were once his enemies. Willing enough, to sacrifice himself, if he needed to. Well, in the end, that was Ozai’s loss, and it was far too late for him to be someone who Zuko would trust with himself. Hakoda, would never make that mistake, and he would gladly take on the duties that Ozai had so willingly tossed aside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really liked this one so much.


	8. Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hakoda and Zuko talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Hakoda wanted more screentime, and I had to give it to him.

“Prince Zuko?” 

Zuko startles at the call of his name, and turns to find a rather sheepish looking Hakoda.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, no, it’s fine, really. Did you need something from me, Chief Hakoda? Oh and just Zuko is fine.”

“No, I just wanted to talk to you if that's okay. Also you may call me by my name without title as well.”

“If this is about yesterday, you don’t have to, I mean I know Sokka said-”

Hakoda shook his head. “No, not about that. As far as I’m concerned, you are my son.”

Zuko gazes at him in disbelief.

“It’s a custom in our tribe. When a member takes on a Little, that Little is officially part of the family. Even if that weren’t the case, I would still consider you family just because of the way Katara, and Sokka act around you. They really care about you.”

Zuko blushed. “Then, um, if it isn't that, what did you need?”

Hakoda sat down, and patted the ground next to him.

Zuko hesitates, and it takes him a moment to summon the courage to sit beside Hakoda, but the man doesn’t comment on it.

“Like I said, I just wanted to have a chance to speak with you. I also wanted to thank you. You didn’t have to help Sokka with the rescue, and it’s likely none of us would have escaped without you there.”

“You’re welcome?”

“Do you really believe I would be ungrateful for what you did?”

Zuko shook his head. “No. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to imply anything like that, I was just… surprised.”

“Why?”

“Being thanked for something isn’t the most common occurrence for me,” he says with a shrug. “Before joining with the others, I was a pretty awful person. I know I can never make up for all of it, so I just didn’t expect gratitude when i do something right for a change.”

Hakoda growls.

Zuko’s eyes widen in shock, and the older man smiles at him apologetically. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just the more I learn about you, the more I’m tempted to wrap you up in a blanket, and hide you away for a while.”

“Why would you- I mean not that it doesn’t sound nice, but I have a duty here, and-”

“Zuko, I know that. I watched you and Aang practice bending today, and I saw you sparring with Sokka and Suki, and let me just say right now, you are quite a talented young man, and I also know you have more battles to fight. I would never try to stop you, but at the end of it all, spirits willing, we all make it through, I would like to ask a favor of you.”

“A favor?”

Hakoda nods. 

“What is it?” Zuko asks cautiously. 

“I want you to let me be there for you. I want you to let me love you, and care for you in the way a father should with his son.”

“How would it be a favor to you?” Zuko asks softly, and Hakoda can hear the underlying question of ‘why would you want to do that?’ as well.

“Because, Zuko,” Hakoda says with a smile, “I don’t believe it is an easy thing to earn your trust, let alone, your affection, and I would feel truly honored if I was someone who you considered worthy of both.”

“Really?”

“Really, and truly,” Hakoda says, as he stands up. “ I’ll let you go back to what you were doing. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.”

“Wait,” Zuko calls, as he stands up. “I… I know a good place to fish, that is, if you want to go with me.”

Hakoda smiled. “Lead the way.”


	9. Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the field trip with Katara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!

Uncomfortable. That was the only word that could describe the feeling between Zuko and Katara at the current moment as they traveled the sky via air bison. Judging from the way Katara was actively avoiding conversation or even eye contact, Zuko was pretty sure that he was going to have to be the one to fix the problem.

“Katara, can we land? I think we need to talk.”

She nods stiffly, but doesn't even glance his way.

They land, and quickly dismount from Appa. Katara is still refusing to look at him, and the longer they stand there the more uncomfortable the air around them becomes. 

“Are you mad at me?” Zuko finally asks, “you know, for telling you about the raiders?”

Katara looked at him then clearly shocked that he could think something like that. “I’m not mad at you Zuko, I’m mad at _me_ _._ I gave in to a side of me that I never wanted to. How do you not hate me after seeing something like that? How can anyone feel safe with me knowing what kind of monster I am?”

“You are not a monster,” Zuko says. 

It’s clear that she doesn’t believe him.

“Would you ever do that to Sokka or Aang?”

The disgust on her face speaks louder than any words ever could.

“You didn’t even do it to me, when I was helpless in front of you, and you still thought of me as your enemy. Why didn’t you?”

“You were trying, and I knew there was some good in you. I was mad, and I wanted to protect the others, but I didn’t want you dead.”

“And that’s why I know I can trust you. In that moment, facing that man, you were that child that had just lost her mother, and had the power to take it out on someone responsible for that loss.”

“That doesn’t make it right.”

“So you still see yourself as a monster?”

She gazed away from him, and he knew what he had to say.

“Would you use bloodbending to hurt your baby bear or…” and here he let himself fall into the mental space that he had wanted to since the moment that they had left that sniveling coward on the ground, “your duckling?”

Katara’s eyes snapped up to meet his own. It looked like she would be sick. “I… never…I,” she stutters incoherently, tears streaming down her face all the while. 

”A real monster would,” he said softly, his tone one of absolute certainty.

She doesn't seem to understand, and he needs her to. He brings his hand up to his scar. “A real monster _did_.” 

He was crying now, but he knew she needed to hear that, needed to understand that, no matter if he was Big or Little, he would always trust her, because even with all the harm she could do, she would always be a force of good in the world.

“Come here, duckling,” she says softly, arms open for a hug. 

For some reason it felt like she expected him not to go to her. That was stupid, he didn’t think there would be a time he wouldn’t go to her. Her arms were safe. She was safe.

He fell into the hug, holding her tightly as he could, because she needed it just as much as he did. 

“Thank you,” she said, “Thank you.”

“Wel’com,” he said, voice slurred, since his face was pressed up against her neck. They stayed that way until Appa decided to interrupt them with a loving lick.

They gazed at one another, and then at the air bison, and finally back at each other, and then, they laughed. A few minutes later, after the bison slobber had been cleaned away, they finally resumed the trek back to the others, and feeling between them was one of pure comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in a bit, had a birthday, and then got kinda busy helping out my brother. Imma try to have another chap up soon, but we'll see what happens.


	10. A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk on the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the birthday wishes. I spent the day (sept 30) with my ma and bro just listening to music and being together, and it was nice. Then a few days ago I had some ideas for this story, and as always, I have written none of them, because I have been captured by other ideas lol.

“Hey.”

Zuko turned to glance behind him. 

“Is this spot taken?” Sokka asks, pointing to the ground beside Zuko.

Zuko blinked.

"Are you okay?”

Zuko turned away and gazed back out at the water.

Sokka sits beside him, close enough that their shoulders touch. Zuko doesn’t move away, and Sokka breathes an internal sigh of relief. His instincts are screaming at him to fix the situation, and that will be an easier task now that he knows Zuko is not adverse to his touch.

“When I feel bad, it helps to talk about what’s bothering me. Even if it’s something that I think is ridiculous or that I don’t understand well, I can talk about it, because I’m lucky enough to have people that I trust around me.”

He can feel Zuko’s eyes on him, but he keeps his gaze on the setting sun, and the pretty colors that it makes on the water. “One time I was feeling weird, not Little weird or feral, I just felt jumpy. I couldn’t understand it, but just talking about it helped me realize Katara and Aang were willing to listen to me. Aang actually taught me some meditation tricks to calm myself down.”

“I…”

Sokka turns to look at him then. He makes sure his expression is welcoming and gentle, as he waits for Zuko to speak.

“What if we win?”

Sokka blinks. “What do you mean?”

“If we win, I’ll be Fire Lord, but I’m... you know... and maybe when people find out, they won’t want me to be the leader cause of that.”

Sokka nods. “I bet there will be some idiots who think that way, but the world is in tatters Zuko, and I have to believe that there are even more people who want to see it healed, and so they won’t care about the Classification of those who strive to do that.”

“How do you know they will be able to separate my Class from who I am?”

“Zuko, your Class is part of you, but anyone with any sense at all will know that just because you are a Little does not mean that you are defenseless.” 

Zuko still looked unconvinced, so Sokka decided to try a different tact. “Do we always treat you like you’re Little?”

“Oh.”

Sokka smiled. 

“You were right, talking did make me feel better.”

“I’m just glad I could help you.”

“Sokka?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you do something else for me?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t… don’t judge me for what I am going to do.”

“What do you-” Sokka broke off before he could finish the question due to the fact that Zuko had crushed him in a fierce hug. Even though Zuko was managing to muffle his cries, due to his face being pressed against Sokka’s shoulder, Sokka could still hear them, and he would have known even if he couldn't because he could the feel tears soaking into his shirt. He didn’t mind though, how could he when such a strong individual was willing to trust him with his vulnerability?

Sokka wrapped his own arms around Zuko, and was pleased to note how much it calmed Zuko. As Sokka held him, his gaze caught the last rays of the sun as it finally disappeared below the horizon. 

With the brilliance of the sun gone from the sky, the moon glowed brightly in the darkened sky. It shone down on them, and the beach, with a gentle glow that felt affectionate.

“Sokka?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we stay like this just a bit longer?”

“We can stay as long as you want to Zuko.”

"Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I truly have no idea just how long they stayed on Ember Island, but let's pretend it was way longer than it was so that I can add a whole lota fluff to this story kay?


	11. A bit of fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun on the beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here there be fluff!

“Zuzu, wakey wakey,” came the hurried whisper.

“Noooo sweepy, go way.”

“Zuzu pleeeeease?“ 

Zuko rolled over to find Sokka pouting like he was told boomerang had got up and walked away. 

“Kay, i’m up.”

“Yes!”

Zuko blinked.

“Zuzu up!”

Zuko shook his head. “I’m up.”

Sokka grabbed his hand, and pulled.

Zuko willingly followed, happy that Sokka was leading so that he could rub his eye without running into anything.

“Tara! Tara! He up, we play now!?”

“Sokka!”

Zuko jumped at the stern tone, and looked up just in time to see Sokka wilt under it. 

“But-”

“But, nothing. Apologize to him right now. You know how tired he was, and he needs his rest.”

Sokka dropped Zuko’s hand, and turned to face him. His eyes were filled with tears, and shame was clear in his expression. “Sorry Zuzu,” he says shakely.

“Did you want to go nap for a bit longer, duckling?”

Zuko blinked, then shook his head. “Up now. I play with Bear.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

“Baby bear, we will talk about this later, because it was not a good thing to do. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, Tara.”

“Then you two can go play.”

This time Zuko was the one to take Sokka’s hand, and lead him away. Once they were outside on the beach, he let go. “You okay?”

Sokka nodded.

Zuko frowned. He didn’t think that Katara would be mean to her brother, especially when he was feeling Little, but… 

“Is she really mad?”

Sokka shook his head. “I was bad though. Tara said not to wake you up, but I did anyway.”

“It kay. I not mad at you. All you did was shake me some. Zula used to burn me.”

Sokka’s eyes snapped up in shock.

“Not bad, and there is no marks cause imma firebender.”

The reassurance didn’t seem to help.

Sokka wiped away tears. “Your sissy is mean.”

“Yeah, now I know dat” Zuko agrees. 

“I not hurt you like that,” Sokka promises.

“I know, Bear.”

“Tara not either. Cause you’re ours now.”

“Know dat too.”

Sokka nods. “Good.”

Zuko looked at the ground shyly, it still felt weird to him when anyone in his new family came right out and said they wanted him. The sand caught his attention, and suddenly a thought popped into his head.

“Bear?”

“Yeah, Zuzu?”

“There’s something I wanna do.”

“What?”

“I wanna build a sand castle.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I useta see other kids make dem, and I never got to.”

“I think we needa bucket or somethin’,”

“I think there might be one in the house.”

“If not, Toph can make one.”

“Good idea, Bear.”

“Race ya back,” Sokka said.

Zuko took off running.

“Zuzu!

~

“Wow,” Katara says as she examines their castle. It had been roughly two hours, and after a bit of trial and error, they had gotten really good, and now they had built a castle, a few houses, a wall around their town, and a moat.

Both her boys, happily smile up at her, clearly proud of their work.

“Bear made the wall,” Zuko was happy to inform her.

“Zuzu did the houses, and found the shells to use on top of the castle.”

Katara smiled. “You two make a good team.”

“Yeah!” the both said together.

“I came out to tell you it’s time to eat.”

“But our castle,” Sokka whined.

“Can be built again,” Katara said.

Zuko plucked his favorite shell from the castle. The shell was small, shaped like a spiral, smooth to the touch, and was blue and white in color. He held the shell out to Sokka, and waited patiently for the other boy to take it from him. 

“Zuzu?” Sokka questioned as he took the shell.

“To thank you for building with me.”

Sokka plucked his favorite shell, a tiny one shaped like a fan, with a soft red color, and handed it to Zuko. 

Zuko smiled at him. “Ready go eat now?”

“Yeah.”

“First you both need to wash up.”

Zuko, and Sokka looked down at themselves, and both seemed to be surprised to find that they were covered in sand.

“Tara help me?”

“Of course baby bear. What about you duckling? Do you want some help?”

Zuko blinked. “Help?”

“Shall we show him?”

“Yes!”

“Ready?” She asks once they are no longer on the sand.

Sokka nods, and suddenly, a whirlpool of water surrounds him. It playfully washed over him, and then as quickly as it was summoned, it vanished, leaving Sokka dry, and free of sand.

“My turn?” Zuko asks shyly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Stay calm, alright? I’ll stop if it’s too much.”

Zuko nods.

The water surrounds him more slowly than with Sokka, because Katara is being careful. The water is cool, but not cold, and his clothes feel heavy as they take in the water, but even so, Zuko smies. This could easily be something scary, Katara could hurt him, and he would not be able to stop her, but he was not afraid. Water was hers like fire was his. 

All too soon, the water was being pulled away from him, and he was a little sad to see it go.

“Awesome right?” Sokka asks with a bright smile.

Zuko smiles back at him. “Awesome,” he agrees.

Katara laughs. "You two are adorable."

"Are not," the two of them say in unison.

"I meant handsome," she says in an attempt to placate them. From the cute glares they give her she knew she hadn't fooled them.

She hugs both of them, and they try to stay angry, but they give in and hug her back.

"Love you baby bear," she says with a kiss to the top.of his head. "Lovr you duckling" she said repeating the gesture with Zuko.

"Love you too," Sokka replies. "An you too Zuzu."

Zuko swallows. "Feel da same, for both of you" he says. 

A stomach growl is what ends the hug. "Seems like a certain bear needs some food," Katara remarks. 

Sokka nods and grabs Katara's hand pulling her towards the house. A quick look behind showed Zuko was still where he had been. "Come on Zuzu, time to eat," Sokka says while holding out a hand.

Zuko blinks and quickly moves forward so that he could grab the offered hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been good, making sure I have a chap ready before I upload a new chap but I need some input. What I have written after this is a bit of a downer (I'm considering the tags now) it has some h/c but I might have to split it so the next would be mostly hurt cause Zuko decided to be all sad and stuff. 
> 
> My question is would you all want more fluff now and to save the the drama for somewhere later or should the drama be now?


	12. Withdraw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go a bit wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People voted for drama, as long as there was after it fiuff, so naturally this is not the drama chapter that I had written when I uploaded the previous one lol.

“Zuko?”

Zuko jumped, he hadn’t heard Katara come up behind him. “Yeah,” he said, trying to pretend like he hadn’t been completely caught off-guard.

Katara sat down next to him on the steps. “Are you okay?”

Zuko looked at her. “I’m fine.”

She smiled, but it was not a happy expression. “That word doesn’t mean much, especially in your case.”

Zuko looks away. “I guess you’re right. So did you need something or were you just looking for me?”

Katara scooted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder. “I just like to know where you are. It helps keep me steady.”

Zuko nodded carefully, so he didn’t jostle her. 

“Why do I feel like you’re pulling away from me?”

Zuko swallows. “I’m right here.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

Zuko sighs. “I just… I’m worried, you know?”

“About?”

“A lot of things. My homeland, my family, and all of you.”

“What about yourself?”

Zuko doesn’t say anything to that.

“That makes me sad you know?”

“I know.”

Katara sighs and stands up. “Come inside soon, okay?” 

“I will.”

Her hands twitch, like she’s restraining herself from something, and then she turns and walks back into the house.

~

Aang is improving quickly. It’s very fortunate, because they don’t have forever to practice, but it’s a bit painful to watch, because Zuko had struggled so hard to achieve his proficiency with his element. He can still remember just how much of a disappointment he was to Ozai especially once Azula started bending.

“Zuko, is everything okay?”

“Of course.”

Aang frowns. “You seem distracted today.”

“Sorry, I’ll do better.”

Aang shook his head. “Let’s take a break.”

Zuko growled. “We don’t have time to take breaks!” he snapped.

“Zu-”

“I’m sorry.”

“Zu-”

“I panicked, I can do this, I’m okay. Just-”

“Zuko!” Aang was yelling now, and his hands were on Zuko’s arms, firm, but not hurting him.

He wished it hurt.

“Listen, I need you to calm down.”

Zuko breathed deeply. “I’m okay.”

“It’s okay, not to be okay.”

“We should get back to practice.”

Aang shook his head. “I don’t think we should.”

Zuko felt his heart plummet. He was failing again.

Something of his feeling must have shown in his expression, because suddenly he was locked in a hug. “I don’t need-”

“Shhhh, be quiet, Zuko.”

Despite himself, Zuko goes quiet.

Aang pulls back, gazing at him with concern. “Should I go get Katara?”

Zuko shakes his head.

Aang gently wipes a tear from Zuko’s face. 

“Not tell her,” he says softly.

Aang doesn’t seem happy about it, but he nods. “I’m guessing you don’t want to tell Sokka either?”

Zuko shakes his head. "Supposed to be bending."

“Let’s sit okay? We’ll meditate, that way we are still practicing.”

Zuko nods. “Thank you.”

~

After lunch, Zuko finds himself being pulled outside by Sokka, Suki, and Toph. Aang and Katara were tasked with cleaning up, and had promised to be outside soon, he had the feeling that a lot of waterbending would be involved.

“Boys against girls?” Sokka asks, with a smile at Zuko.

“Nah, I think I want to see Suki teamed up with Fireball.”

Suki smiles. “Oooh that sounds like fun.”

Sokka pouts. “That’s not fair.”

“Oh, so you think I’m a letdown,” Toph challenges.

“Nope. no, of course not.”

“Good, then let’s go.”

The two teams separate, and once they are far enough, Toph launches a boulder at them. Zuko and Suki, dodge the rock. Sokka dashes towards them, and Zuko blocks the other boy’s sword, with his own. 

Suki takes that chance to go for Toph, but the earthbender shields herself with a wall of rock.

Zuko pushes Sokka off balance, and dashes towards Suki, boosting her over the wall, as he circled it.

Sokka had advanced as well, and Toph boosted him with a ramp so that he could have added power to a downward thrust. 

Zuko backed away, only to find a wall blocking his retreat.

Suki grabbed Toph’s attention then, and Zuko dodged to the side as Sokka landed. Sokka advanced on him, and Zuko found himself caged on three sides by rock walls.

Zuko felt his breath speed, he needed to bend, but he couldn't because he had promised… 

Sokka seemed to advance in slow motion. He was trapped… 

“Guys, time out, time out!”

Then the walls were gone and Sokka was holding him.

Zuko froze, and then he pulled away. He was getting weak. His need for them was clouding everything. If he had been in a real fight, he would have been dead.

“I- I have to go,” he says in a strangled tone. Then he was running into the house, and seconds later, he had closed his door, and slid down it. 

He wanted to cry, to run into comforting arms, but he clenched his hands into fists until the desire faded a bit. They were knocking at the door, and he covered his ears, he needed, no, he wanted to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reread what I had written, and while it was suitable dramatic, it went from zero to sixty to fast, so I though it needed a bit of a lead in chapter, and while doing my chores, I was listening to music, and then Too good at goodbyes came on, and it inspired me. So with that need, and that song, this was born. It was written in about an hour, and I think it ties everything together a lot better, but I would love to see what everyone else thinks once I put up the chapter that was originally intended to be for this installment.


	13. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knew he could never be enough...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be the last chapter, let me know if it made sense to add the previous one.

Zuko’s eyes shot open, leaving him blinking in the darkness that surrounded him. For a moment, he feared that he had gone blind, and the panic from that thought increases the already frantic beating of his heart.  It’s hard to fight the urge to cry out whilst trapped in such a panic, but while it was true that he was a Little, he is most certainly not a baby. That thought helped him push away the panic, and for that he was grateful because he needed the control. 

The last thing he wanted to do was make them worry about him after what had happened the day before. He was under no illusions that things could remain as they had been when he had first succumb to his nature, yes he was part of the group, for now, and they were naive enough to think that, that was something that would never change, but he knew it would, because good things didn’t last, not for him, and already it was starting to crumble because he was not meant to be happy. It was inevitable that they would all tire of him, and his brokenness, and he was in no hurry to stir those feelings up even further with a way too early wake up call, because of a bad dream. He was stronger than that. 

He lights a small flame in his palm, and with that light he assures himself that his room was just as it had been when he had gone to bed. He was alone in his room, just as he had been from the first night they had taken up residence on Ember Island. He had been the one that insisted on sleeping apart from them, and whilst none of the others seemed happy about it, because they liked sleeping all huddled together no matter how much room they had to spread out, they had respected his choice, and let him have his privacy. 

Sometimes he regretted the choice, because he did miss them during the night, but it was necessary to be away from them. He knew himself far too well to think he was truly unaffected by this place, and it also made the perfect retreat when he was being too much of a nuisance to them. He was proud to note that, outside of the fight he had screwed up, because of how weak he was, the only price of being here that he'd had to endure were some relatively mild panic attacks. He had expected much worse, and he managed to hide it well enough that the others seemed unaware of them.

_ Maybe they notice, but don’t care.  _ He hurried to shake the thought away. They cared, he knew they did cause they offered him comfort, and they tried to help when he fell apart too much to hide it to hide it from them.

“Safe. I’m safe,” he whispered to himself. It wasn’t very convincing, and soon his heart was pounding forcefully once again, this time it was even more frantic than before. The panic was eating him, gobbling him up like some kind of scary monster. As his panic grew, his flame weakened, and shrank until it was all the way gone, and then the darkness was back, and it seemed a million times darker than it was before.

He was scared, and alone, and he couldn’t breathe right, and it was too much, and too big, and he just needed everything to stop being that way, and he wanted someone to come and fix it for him  _ right now _ .

The first sob, was more of a broken whimper than anything else, since he was fighting the losing battle against his Little self, he didn’t even want to fight it though, and that made it worse, because he knew the only reason that he was, was because of lessons that had been burned into him. 

The second sob was broken and breathless, just like him. It hurt so much, the emotions swirling within him were so big, and… and… and...

The third sob was muffled, and had nothing to do with his emotions, and everything to do with the digits trapped between his teeth. The pain was sharp and physical, and better because he understood why it hurt like that. He gnawed more frantically at the digits, smiling even as the pain became more pronounced. 

Zuko laid down, making sure to keep the pressure on his fingers even as he tasted blood. 

When he woke up in the morning, he felt better. The only problem was the damage to his fingers. He managed to hide them through his lesson with Aang, but he should have known that he wouldn’t be able to hide it for the whole day.

“Zuko,” Katara says as they entered the kitchen. They were on dish duty that morning, not that either of them truly minded that chore.

“Yes?”

“What happened to your fingers?”

Zuko almost drops the dishes in his hands. “W- what are you talking about?”

“Your fingers,” she repeated. She set down the stack of dishes, and took the ones that he was carrying, and laid them down next to her stack. That done, she gently grabbed his hand with hers, and turned it so that the abraded fingers were easy to see. 

“I uh… I don’t remember?”

Katara raised an eyebrow, and Zuko looked away.

“Zuko,” she says, her voice is kind and pleading, and he almost tells her the truth, but he swallows the words before they can escape.

Katara sighs.

Zuko feels the guilt begin to eat at him, he didn't want to disappoint her, but he still doesn’t say anything. He can’t tell her, he can’t put the idea of leaving in her head, no matter how icky it makes him feel.

“Zuko, I need you to breathe with me,” he hears Katara say.

He opens his eyes -  _ when had they closed?-  _ and finds that they are both sitting against the wall of the kitchen. He obeys though, because it’s Katara. 

“Sorry,” he breathes with an exhausted sigh. 

She shakes her head. “It’s alright.”

Once he feels confident that he can stand without falling over, he stood up, and walked back over to the counter where Katara had placed the dishes. Katara joins him moments later, and even though he isn’t looking at her, he knew that she was looking at him.

She doesn’t bring up his fingers again, thankfully, but she watches him closely over the course of the day. It makes him feel more and more guilty, and it is a relief to retreat to his room, sure it’s a bit early, but escaping her gaze was well worth an early bedtime. He could use a little extra sleep anyways.

Two hours later, he was awake again, and just like the night before, the heavy thoughts weighed on him inducing panic, until he gave in, and allowed himself to gnaw on his fingers. 

Even as the relief of understandable pain flooded him, so too did the guilt. Katara was going to worry if she noticed his fingers again. The only way to hide them would be to just not be around her at all, and then he realized that, that wouldn't work because the others would tell her and he didn't think he would be able to keep his secret if she asked him again. So if he wanted to hide what he was doing he couldn't be around any of the others.

The thought makes him feel ill because he liked the others, he liked that they seemed to like him no matter if he was Big or Little. The thought of losing all that connection sends him into a spiral, and all he can do is bite even harder on his fingers until he tastes blood again.

~

He manages to last for two whole days, two days of finding excuses to be away from them when not training with Aang, two days of bottling up his nature, two long days of hiding everything away, and then, he breaks. 

It was dinner time, and he had gone into the kitchen in search for food when the others started eating in the other room. He had found some leftovers, it was only a little bit of rice, but he wasn’t that hungry anyway, so it would be enough for him. As he was walking back to his room, with his bowl, he got dizzy. He tried really hard to keep his balance, but the floor was not making it easy for him, and then the bowl slipped from his hand, it hit the ground, shattered, with a loud crash, and spilled his dinner all over the floor. 

He stared at the mess. He knew he should clean it up, and run before the others came to see what had happened or just hide away until after everyone was asleep or something, but he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to have to run. He wanted them to come.

His lip quivered, and like the bowl, he shattered. Tears poured down his face relentlessly, and soft whimpers turned to sobs, getting louder, and louder with each passing moment. He couldn't stop, and it hurt so much, and he couldn't _stop_. Even when Katara, because even now, as upset as he was, as long as it had been, he knew her touch, pulled him into a hug, he couldn't stop. It hurt,  _ it hurt _ , and bile rose in his throat. He gagged on it, and turned his head as he vomited. the sick hit the floor close to him, spreading more than normal because of the lack of food in his stomach, but he was crying too hard to even care about it. He gagged again, and cried even harder because it hurt so much, and his stomach was super empty, and had nothing left to come up other than some nasty spit. His head hurt, and his tummy hurt, and his heart hurt. 

A warm cloth running over his face startles him, and his sobs ease a bit, due to his surprise. He blinks, when the cloth is gone, and looks around him. 

Katara is above him, smiling gently at him. She’s holding him steady, and talking so softly. The words don’t make sense to him, but they calm him anyway. She guides a cup of water to his mouth, and helps him rinse away the taste of vomit. Soon the taste is all gone, and he feels a lot better just cause of that. 

A hand rubs his tummy, soothing the knot in there, and he settles even deeper in her hold as the pain begins to fade away. His eyes close, and he drifts, not quite sleep, but not really awake. Katara is softly humming the same lullaby she had the first time he had become Little and the sound relaxes him even more.

Everything fades away from his awareness for a while until he feels himself being placed on a bed. He whines loudly, not wanting to be on a bed, because that meant that he was going to be alone. Then someone else is there, a warm presence pressed against his side. Then he was warmer. More people slotted into the bed, and he let out a cry as he clutched at them. Gentle hands pat whatever parts of him they can reach. He makes a soft sound at the contact, words are lost to him, but he needs to tell them to keep touching him, to stay with him, thankfully they seem to understand, and their touch remains even as sleep pulls him away.


	14. Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After waking up a talk is had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. Yay!

When Zuko comes to his senses, he is naked. He isn’t afraid though,because as strange as it seems, it feels normal for some reason. The next thing he becomes aware of is that warm water is surrounding his body, and that he is submerged up to his chest. 

A damp cloth suddenly enters his field of vision, and comes closer to his face. He flinches reflexively, but that seemed to be the expected behavior, because the cloth stops.

“Shhh, it’s alright,” Katara says gently.

Words are still beyond him, and the gentle way that she is treating him makes him fall back into his headspace, but something feels… off?

Katara then proceeds to wipe his face so softly that he can barely feel it. The rest of the bath goes by quickly, and soon enough he is being dried off with a fluffy towel. He doesn’t know what he expects after that, but the soft cloth diaper being wrapped around him is not it.

He doesn’t need a diaper… does he? It feels familiar somehow, like it’s something that had happened before, but surely he would remember something like that, right?

Katara hummed as she adjusted the diaper on his body, and it was clear that she had a good amount of practice doing this, because once she was satisfied with the fit, it was not too tight or too loose. After she was finished with that task, she retrieved a pair of sleep pants, and guided them up his legs and over the diaper. “There, that’s better isn’t it?”

Zuko doesn’t answer her, and she doesn’t seem to be surprised by that.

“Here’s the bottle, Tara.”

“Thank you, baby bear,” she replied.

Sokka stands there, shuffling his feet like he doesn't know what to do with himself.

“Would you like to feed him?”

“Can I?”

“Of course, just make sure you hold him upright and keep him steady so that he won’t choke.”

Sokka nods, and a few moments later, Zuko feels the nipple of the bottle touch his lips, and then it slides past them. Again, he is hit by the feeling that this too is something that is familiar to him. As he drinks the warm -milk?- his attention fades away, and sleep claims him.

When he wakes up again, he tries to remember what had happened to him. His mind is in a jumble, and his emotions are so messy that he couldn’t begin to say how he was feeling. All he can remember was his rice hitting the ground, and getting sick, and then blurry flashes of baths, changes, and being bottle fed.

He sits up slowly, and winces as his bladder protests the movement. He can feel the bulky cloth of the diaper secured at his hips, so the bed would be safe no matter what happened, but he would rather not use it, because he’s a big boy, and he could use the bathroom like one. 

He scooted down the bed, and got to his feet. The first step went well enough considering how weak he felt, and even if it was a bit shaky he was proud of himself for it,but then, he tripped. He managed not to fall on his face, letting his hands and knees take the brunt of the fall for him. Unfortunately, the jostling was too much for his overfull bladder, and it quickly began to void into the diaper. 

He stayed in that position as the urine poured out, too overcome by his emotions to even try to hide or clean himself up. This was going to be the thing that got him abandoned wasn’t it? Sure they might not have minded too much when he was out of his mind, and not able to do anything for himself, but he was aware now, and he should be able to care for himself again. 

He folded himself into a small ball, wincing as the soaked fabric squished against his body, and he stuffed his fingers into his mouth, biting fiercely on them until they bled. Unlike before though, it didn’t make him feel any better. He needed more, he needed to hurt more. 

A flame appeared at his command. It was shaky, but it would have to do, because he was too weak to do better. Tears streamed down his face as he brought the flame closer to his arm. His breath quickened as panic flooded him, and then, just as the flame was going to burn the lesson that he needed to do better into his skin, it was gone, extinguished with a stream of water.

Bloody fingers still crushed between his teeth to hold the sobs at bay, Zuko turned to see who was in the doorway, and saw Katara standing there. He was expecting her to be mad at him cause he had made more work for her to do, he also thought that maybe she would be a bit sad, cause she didn’t like when any of them got hurt, cause she was so nice, but her expression was broken, like she was moments away from dropping to the ground, and couldn’t decide if she wanted to scream or cry or some mixture of the two. The fact that he was responsible for that, made him sob with shame. 

Before he was even aware of what he was doing, he was crawling. His hand, wet with spit and blood, left a trail behind him as he moved towards her. When he was at her feet she drops to her knees, and pulls him into a hug. Her breathing was panicked, and she was shivering as though she was in the middle of a snowstorm. “Zuko,” she said, her voice breaking on his name. He sobs harder, trying and failing to utter apologies while the sobs steal his breath. 

She pulls back, eyes wet with tears, and alight with something dangerous, and when she spoke her voice was firm and unyielding, her nature imbuing it with a command to look at her.

He looks up, tears still cloud his vision, but he somehow keeps his gaze on her. He’s scared though, and without meaning to, he brings his fingers back up to his mouth.

Suddenly, the danger seems to abate, as she catches sight of his fingers, and she catches them before he can do any more damage. “Let’s sit on the bed,” she says, but he can tell it’s more than just a suggestion.

He does as he is told, and once he is on the bed, she sits down next to him, and reaches for his hand. Her water caresses his fingers, soothing the wounds that he had placed there and the action makes him feel icky, because he doesn't deserve her kindness.

Once she is done, she pushes him down gently, and starts to tug off his pants.

He cries out in embarrassment realizing that she knew that he had wet himself, and that she intended to change him. “Not need,” he says, scooting as far away from her as the bed would allow.

“Be still!” she snaps at him.

Zuko stills so fully that he is barely breathing. Was this the moment that everything broke? Did his disobedience mean that he would lose everything again?

Katara sees his fear, and forces herself to calm down. When she speaks again, the shame is clear in her tone. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” She breathes again trying to find the words to explain herself.

Zuko breathes slowly, relaxing into his headspace. If this is the last time, he wanted it to be nice, and he couldn’t watch her suffer any longer. He wanted kind touches, and sweet words for as long as he could have them. “Icky,” he says with a blush.

“I can fix that,” she says, and then she proceeds to do just that. Zuko looks away from her, and before he knows it, he is in a dry diaper, and the two of them are cuddled together on the bed.

After a moment of.just laying there together, she pulls away from him. He sits up, and sighs, and then she speaks. “Zuko, I know it’s hard, but I really need you to talk to me.”

With his eyes, fixed on the floor, he asks, “Bout what?” 

“When I walked into the room I saw that you were about to burn yourself,” she says.

He nods.

“Can you tell me why?”

He shakes his head.

“Why not?”

“You’ll be mad at me,” he whispers. 

“I won’t.”

Zuko snaps his head up at that declaration.

“I was so scared, Zuko. I just keep thinking of what I would have found if I came to check on you just a bit later, and I know I will be haunted by the sight for a long time. Please tell me what caused it, so I can do my best to stop it from ever happening again.

He can hear the pleading in her voice, and suddenly he is hit with the realization that he can't hide anymore, and more importantly, he doesn’t want to hide from her anymore. “I’m scared,” he admits.

“Of what?

He looks at her, and she seems to mistake it for an answer. “Of me?”

He shakes his head wildly. She could be scary, and dangerous, and he has been scared of her, but not  _ scared.  _

“Of being not enough,” he says. “Ev’ryone always leaves.”

“I need a bit more than that. Please, Zuko, I need you to help me understand.”

Tears pooled once more as his confession spilled out. “Mama left, and Fath- he was always dispointed in me cause I is weak, an Zula lies, and always was better than me. Uncle love me, but I made him go way. You all cept me now, but I no understand why an more I thought bout it more it, more it made sense you all go away from me soon." 

Her eyes widened as she grasped the meaning of his words. “So you tried to pull away before we could?”

He nodded.

“Is that why you were biting your fingers?”

He nods again. “Made me feel better.”

“Were you… punishing yourself?”

He nods.

Her pulled him into a hug, and he squeaked at how tightly she held him. “Duckling, I’m so sorry.”

He pulled back so he could see her. Was she really blaming herself for his brokenness? 

She pulls back, and stands up. “I thought… I could do this, that I could be your caregiver, and I thought everything was okay, that you were happy. I didn’t notice that you were in so much pain until you fell apart, and that’s not okay. I don’t want to, but it might be better if, after everything is over, we found you a caregiver with more experience.”

The words shocked him into silence.

“I’ll go now. I’m sorry duc- Zuko.”

The name change was the final straw. He was not going to let her walk away. She was his! With speed that he didn’t know he had, he leapt from the bed, not caring about how dizzy it made him, and he kept moving until his arms were wrapped around her body. “No! Tama, not allowed to leave me!”

Katara managed to turn to face him, and then offered him a watery smile. “I’m your Tama?”

“Mine,” he agrees, and then he adds, “And Bear’s. Duckling’s and Bear’s.” Then he yawns. 

She guides them back to the bed, and he allows her to do it. “Time for a nap, duckling, and then we talk to the others.”

“Have tell them ev’rything?”

She nods. “They’ve been really worried about you.”

Zuko considered that, and then nodded slowly. “You be there with me?”

“As long as you want me to be, duckling,.”

He yawns again. “I want you for always.”

“Then I’m yours for always,” she agrees.

Kay Tama, we can talk to them.”

“Such a brave little duck,” she says.

Zuko would preen at such a compliment, but he’s too sleepy. 

Katara runs her hand through his hair, and he sighs, as he snuggles closer to her, and allows sleep to claim him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the strongest chapter, but I think it turned out fairly well.


	15. Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko talks to the others

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live!!!
> 
> Finally, got the next bit written, and with any luck I'll have the next bit up soon.

Even though Zuko is refusing to meet their collective gaze, he knows that they are all looking at him, waiting for him to start talking, and he kind of regrets agreeing to talking to them about what he was feeling. One glance at Katara, his Tama, was enough to make him remember why he had agreed to it in the first place. 

He would always have problems, because he had endured so much, but if they knew his triggers, then they would be able to help him, and maybe, one day, he would be able to believe that love didn’t have to come with a hefty price tag attached to it.

“Zuko?”

The small voice snaps him from his thoughts immediately. It was rare to see Sokka being Little while he himself was firmly settled outside his headspace. “Yeah buddy?”

“Can I’s sit with you?”

“Hmm?”

“You sad, and I still owe you cuddles from before.”

Zuko couldn’t help smiling, and opening his arms in invitation.

Sokka seemed thrilled, and seconds later, he was trapped in a cuddle.

“So, you all know I haven’t had the most… pleasant childhood,” he starts.

Toph snorted. “That might be the understatement of the century.”

None of the others saw fit to contradict her, because even though their childhoods were not exactly normal, given the war, everything that had happened as a result of it, and a whole lot of other factors that were quite unfair, they all knew that Zuko had barely had one at all. While they were unaware of the specifics, since Zuko rarely talked about his upbringing, but they could see it in the way he reacted to certain situations.

“As you all have probably guessed, I’ve never been close with my father, I tried to be the perfect son, but, well you see how that turned out. After Azula started bending, she became his favorite, and he started molding her into a powerful weapon, so I lost the chance of bonding with her.

“My mother was gentle in nature, and once we found out Azula was a firebending prodigy, she saved that kindness for me, hoping to save me from my father's lack of tolerance. In our house gentleness was considered a weakness though, so she had to restrain herself a lot. Then she left us. Uncle was there, and he was gentle with me when out of sight of others, because he knew I would be the one to suffer for it, if others saw, but he was always off fighting somewhere. When my cousin… died, Uncle changed. 

“After I spoke out of turn, I was burned, and banished by my father. Uncle chose to come with me, but I was so angry, and I didn’t want him to be gentle with me. I didn’t deserve it, but he just wouldn’t give up on me. He was always there for me no matter what I did or how awful I was to him.”

“Did he know about your Classification?” Aang asks.

“I think he did, but he never treated me any differently because of it, and I never let myself be Little. It doesn’t matter anyway, because I don’t think that he will ever forgive me for what I did to him.”

“What did you do?” Suki asked.

“I betrayed him. I got the chance to go home, to get everything I thought I wanted, and I just had to betray him to do it. He was the only one who stayed, the only one that really cared about me, and I just abandoned him, and I still hate myself for making that choice because it was wrong.

“I carry that shame with me, and I think that I got used to the idea that I would never belong anywhere, and that I am unworthy of being cared about, because I’ve been discarded by someone who should have cared, and I abandoned the one person who tried to help me.”

“It’s time to tell them,” Katara says gently.

Zuko closes his eyes, and takes a breath. Sokka’s hold on him tightens, and he is grateful for it. “I got too comfortable with all of you, and I forgot that I wasn’t allowed to be happy. So I punished myself for it,” here he holds up his fingers, they are mostly healed, but it is still clear what he had done to them. “None of you would do it, and it seemed like I had to because it was the only way that I would be able to stay for a little bit longer. I’m the bad guy so I don’t get to have a happy ending.”

Toph growls, causing everyone to look at her. Apparently, she feels the stares, because after a moment, she stomps through the room, and out the door. Even from inside, they can hear the earth taking the brunt of her anger.

“I knew I was bad,” Zuko says, taking Toph’s reaction as proof.

“She’s not mad at you Zuko,” Aang said. 

Zuko shakes his head.

“Aang will you go talk to her?” Katara asked.

Aang nods, and heads outside.

“Duckling?”

Zuko doesn’t look at her, too ashamed.

“Duckling, I think you’ve earned a time out.”

“Tara!”

“Baby bear, go sit with Suki.”

Sokka doesn’t move. “But Tara-!”

“You’ll earn a timeout yourself if you don’t listen.”

Sokka wilts, and reluctantly begins to move.

“Duckling, you scared everyone by hiding how you felt. So I want you to go to the corner now. You will stay there for five minutes. If you move from the corner before then, there will be no dessert for you tonight.”

Zuko swallows, stands up, and walks to the nearest corner. Punishment with no pain? That was an option? 

“One more thing.”

Zuko turns to her.

“The whole time I want to hear you say, ‘I am a good boy. I might do bad things, but I am still a good boy.’ Let me hear you say it.”

“I am a good boy. I might do bad things… but I am still a good boy.” The last part is whispered, but Katara nods.

“Good boy. Your time starts now.”

The minutes drag by slowly, but he keeps repeating the words. They weren’t true, but the more he said them the more he wanted to believe in them. 

“Duckling, your time out is over.”

Zuko blinked.

“You did a good job, and you are forgiven.” Katara opened her arms, silently offering a hug.

“Tama!” he cries, as he dives into her arms.

“Shhh, you’re okay. You're okay.” 

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

Zuko stills. “Why?”

“Because I didn’t see that you needed more than I was giving you.”

“Not your fault. I was hiding. I’m good at that.”

“You are, but I should have talked to you. If I had asked what you needed from me, I would have been more prepared.”

“Still not your fault.”

She hums, and even though he can tell that she isn’t convinced, he lets it go. 

When they separate, she says, “There is something else that I wanted to discuss with you.”

“Yeah?” he asks, preparing for the worst.

“I know you value your privacy, so I won’t ask you to give it up during the day, unless something really upsetting happens, because I don’t want you to fall back on punishing yourself, but at night, I would like it if you would sleep beside one or all of us.”

“Why?”

“That way if you get scared or upset, you have someone there to talk to, and then you would be less likely to hide your feelings until they boil over.”

Embarrassing, but logical. “What if no one wants me there with them?”

“Why wouldn't we?”

“I have nightmares sometimes.”

“You think the rest of us don’t?”

Zuko startles at her words, because he hadn’t considered that.

“None of us are perfect, Zuko. We all have nightmares about things that have gone wrong, and things that still can. It’s not a weakness to need comfort after a nightmare.”

“Oh.”

“You can choose who you want, but if you don’t we will choose for you,” she warns.

Zuko hides how pleased he was by that. He sucked at choosing and it was nice to know that it could be taken out of his hands if necessary.

“Also, I want to talk to you about your punishments.”

“Okay.”

“You will not be punished for things that happen when you are Big. We will talk about whatever happened, because it helps, and we really want to avoid impacting your time in Littlespace, but that’s all. When you are Little, timeouts will happen when you do something bad.”

“What if I do something really, really bad?”

“I doubt that will happen.”

“But what if it does?”

“Then I will take away play time, and toys. I will never hit you or use my bending to hurt you.”

“But I might deserve it.”

“Zuko, look at me.” When he does she tells him, “Hurting you will not help. Too many people, including you yourself, have used pain to teach you a lesson. I don’t want to add to that, but you will always be told the rules, and you will always be warned of a punishment before it happens.”

She can see that he has doubts, but words won’t fix this, only experience would. “So, who gets to cuddle with you tonight?”

Zuko blushes at the change in topic, and Katara smiles at him. “Oh, I see you already chose. So who is it?”

“Bear?” he asked softly.

She smiles. “He’s going to be so happy. Do you want to tell him now?”

“‘kay.”

Together they wander back to the sitting room, where Suki is playing with a rather distracted Sokka.

“Zuzu!” the other boy cries. “You’re alive!”

Both girls roll their eyes at his theatrics.

Zuko seems thrilled though. “Bear!” 

The two of them hug like it has been years since they had seen one another. 

“Go on, tell him,” Katara says.

Zuko swallows. “Tama says I haveta have someone wit me at night time, and I asked for you.”

Sokka’s eyes widen, and a smile comes over him. “Sleepover!” he exclaims excitedly.

“What’s this about a sleepover?” Aang says.

Zuko glances over, and backs away when he sees that Toph is beside Aang.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have walked off like that.” 

“You mad at me?”

“Of course not.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah, I was just upset because it isn’t fair that you had to go through all that.”

“It probably didn’t help that we were all feeling the same thing,” Katara adds.

Suki nods. “I felt it too, it’s the drawback of being a Baseline.”

“Hug?” Zuko offers.

Toph smiles, and then proceeds to barrel into him.

Zuko staggers a little, but quickly regains his balance.

Toph laughs, and Zuko can’t help joining her.

“Now that that’s fixed, I need to know about the sleepover.”

“It’s for me and Zuzu only,” Sokka says sticking out his tongue at the airbender.

Aang pouts. “That’s so mean.

“Bear.”

“No, Zuzu.”

“ _Bear_.” 

“Okay! He can come.”

“Yes! Thanks Zuko!”

Sokka grabs Zuko’s hand. “Let’s go make a fort.”

“Fort?”

Sokka looked at Zuko, and he smiled. “This is gonna be so fun.” With that, he started going on and on about activities that they could do tonight.

Zuko didn't understand half of it, but he nodded along anyway. If Bear said that it would be fun, then it would be fun.


	16. Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko open up, and is surprised how easy he gets what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this one.

“Sokka?” Zuko calls. It was night time, and once again, Zuko had picked Sokka to stay with for the night. Neither of them were Little though, so Zuko summoned the courage to talk to him about something that had been on his mind for a few days.

“Yeah?”

“Nevermind.”

Sokka narrowed his eyes. “Zuko,” he said warningly.

“It’s ‘barrasing,” Zuko said quietly.

Sokka rolled his eyes. He thought they were far past the point of being embarrassed, at least with each other. “Dude, we bathe together while my sister fusses over us, and every couple of days it seems my motor control decides to be so flimsy that I need someone to help me eat. Whatever it is can't be worse than that. ”

“It is more embarrassing than that.”

Sokka sat up, and was grateful that the moonlight allowed him to see Zuko so well. “Zuko, just tell me. I don’t like to see you worrying like this over something that likely won’t phase any of us.”

Zuko swallowed. “You remember when I was completely out of it?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t say so, but I kinda woke up a tiny bit at the end.”

“Was there something we did that you liked?”

Zuko nodded.

“What was it?”

“I… liked the bottle.”

“Hmmm… Oh hold on, let me see something… Hey, Zuko give me some light please.”

Curious about what the other boy was looking for, Zuko made a small flame so Sokka could see as he rummaged through his bag. 

“I thought it was… hmmm, maybe I put it… ah here it is!” Sokka turned to Zuko. “I don’t have a problem with you liking having a bottle, but it’s a bit late right now, and Katara would be mad if we made a mess. I think you might like this though.” That said he opened his hand, and revealed what was inside.

It was a pacifier. The shield was dark blue, almost black, and it had a star on it. 

“Do you want me to-”

Zuko nodded.

Sokka removed the cap from the teat, and placed it in Zuko’s mouth. The way he lit up was absolutely adorable, but he had enough sense to keep that to himself, because he didn't want Zuko to be mad, and spit it out on princlple, and it was clear that he was going to drop into Littlespace, which wasn’t too surprising considering that he had been teetering between his headspaces since they had started talking.

“Come here Zuzu,” Sokka said. 

Zuko put out his flame, crawled over to Sokka, and snuggled into his arms. 

“Night, buddy.”

Zuko made a garbled sound, and Sokka decided that Zuko was saying goodnight to him, even if it didn’t even sound like words.

~

No matter his headspace when he went to sleep, Zuko woke with the sun, and he made quick work of detangling himself from Sokka. 

The pacifier was on the bed, and Zuko struggled against the urge to make sure it was real by grabbing it and putting it back in his mouth. He shook the urge away, and walked out the door, after all he had to find Aang.

When training was over, everyone else was awake and Aang, and Zuko joined them for breakfast. 

Even though a few days had passed since he had come back to himself completely, everyone was still watching to make sure Zuko was eating. He thought that he would find the concern a little overbearing, but instead it was nice because they tried really hard not to overdo it so that he wouldn’t be upset.

“Zuko, are you okay?” Katara asked. 

Zuko blinked and only then did he notice that he had made a bit of a mess with his breakfast. He flushed, and concentrated on eating his food in a manner that would get more inside him, than on his clothing.

“Zuko, I think you should tell her what you told me last night.”

Zuko shook his head.

“Please Zuko,” Katara pleaded.

Then like an idiot he looked up into her pleading blue eyes, and saw how sad she looked, and he didn’t want her to be sad. She wouldn’t react badly right? Sokka hadn’t really minded, and Katara had told him that he needed to be honest about things. “I… liked being fed. With a bottle, I mean.”

When the world failed to blow up from the revelation, Zuko looked up. Nobody seemed concerned at all. “Isn’t that weird?” he asks, because it should be right? He was young in his headspace, but he wasn’t a baby, so he really shouldn’t want baby things.

“No it isn’t, especially considering the amount of oral fixation you have when Little. Would you like a bottle right now?”

Did he want one now? Here in front of all the others? Did it matter if they stayed? The questions were too big for him, so he shoved them away, and nodded because he really did want a bottle.

“I’ll do it!” Sokka said as he jumped up, and ran towards the kitchen.

“Slow down!” Katara called after him, while getting up herself.

“Ouch!” Sokka cried out as he ran into something.

“I told you to slow down,” Katara told him as she went to see how hurt he was.

“I’m okay.”

“Just sit still for a second.”

“Katara-”

“I know, I know, I’m almost done.”

Ten minutes, and one muffled argument later, Sokka came back with a bottle in his hand. 

Zuko couldn’t take his eyes off the bottle. “Mine?” he asked in a hushed whisper.

“You want to hold it?”

Zuko shook his head.

“You do it?” 

Sokka smiled, like that was the answer that he had wanted. “Come on, it’s easier if we do this on the couch.

Zuko nodded. He set his bowl aside, and followed Sokka to the couch. Once they were settled, Sokka pressed the nipple of the bottle to Zuko’s lips, and Zuko quickly latched on.

“Not so rough,” Sokka cautioned him.

Zuko tried to slow down, but the milk was good and made him realize that he was super hungry.

All too soon the bottle was empty, and he found himself sad, and wished that he had made it last a little bit longer, because it tasted good, and now Sokka would stop cuddling him since he was done. Before he could be too upset though, the pacifier from last night was in his mouth. He glared at Sokka, but the other boy just smiled at him until Zuko had to look away cause he was trying to mad at him.

Katara was standing there just watching the two of them, and he reached out for her.

She came over, pulled him to his feet, and wrapped him in a hug. “Would you like to go outside?”

Zuko nodded. 

The others were already out there, playing an overly complicated game of tag. 

Katara and Zuko sat at the top of the stairs. Zuko pressed himself as close as he could as he watched the others. 

“This seat taken?” Sokka asked.

Zuko doesn’t bother to look up, he just puts a hand up, and Sokka grabs it.

“Is he sleeping?” Suki asks, sitting near them, taking a break from the game.

Katara nods, and glances down to the person in question. When it became clear that Zuko was going to nap, Sokka had gone and retrieved a pillow, and before long, he was laying down, head resting on the pillow in Katara’s lap.

“That’s good. I noticed he doesn't sleep enough.”

“Another thing to thank his father for,” Katara says bitterly.

“He seems to be doing a lot better since he talked to us the other day, and I think it’s really helping that he has you and Sokka to look after him.”

“We all help him, and with any luck when all this mess is resolved, he’ll let us stay with him.”

“Are you worried that he’ll try to reject his needs again?”

“Yeah, he’s got a bad habit of being self-sacrificial when he thinks it’s the right thing to do.”

“And he’s going to be responsible for a whole nation,” Suki finishes.

Katara nods.

“We’re not going to let that happen,” Sokka assures them. “Zuko is stubborn, but so are all of us, and if all else fails, well I have a plan for it.” Sokka says.

“Sokka, you don’t mean-”

Sokka couldn’t manage to look at his sister.

“Sokka no.”

“I’m not letting you talk me out of it Katara.”

“Clueless person here,” Suki said, not understanding what they were talking about.

It was Katara’s turn to sigh. “He’s going to break his balance on purpose.”

Sokka smiles. “I can be as stubborn as Zuko is, and if I have to make him give in from pure sympathy, I’m willing to do that.”

“He won’t be happy about that,” Suki says.

“Oh he’s going to be furious, but with any luck it won’t come to that.”

“You’re a lot of trouble,” Suki says fondly, gently patting Zuko’s head.

Zuko shifts slightly at her touch, which forces her hands into his hair. Suki stays still, but Zuko doesn’t wake up, so she starts to run her fingers gently through his hair. 

It was sad just how affection starved he seemed to be. “ Hey, Katara?”

“Yeah?”

“If he says it’s okay, can I feed him, the next time he wants a bottle?”

Katara smiles. “Of course.”

Suki smiled. She had no idea what the future held, but for right now in this moment, the group was safe, and happy, and that was what mattered.

"I want pats too," Sokka whines.

Suki rolls her eyes at her boyfriend, then she smiles. "If you can win a game of tag with Aang, and Toph, I'll give you all the attention you want."

Sokka stands, adopting a manly pose. "Deal." With that he dashes down the stairs, and over to where the the two benders are still playing.

Suki, and Katara look at one another and both of them laugh softly.


	17. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iroh, yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an easy one.

Zuko feels like he is going to be sick. He’s nervous, and scared, and his instincts are telling him to just regress, because most people are nicer to him when he is Little, but he won’t let himself take the easy way out.

“Are you okay?” Katara asks.

It’s telling of how far he has come that he doesn’t even consider lying to her. “No, I’m not okay. My uncle hates me. I know it. He loved, and supported me in every way he could, in every way I would let him, and I still turned against him. How can I even face him?”

“Zuko, you’re sorry for what you did, right?”

“More sorry than I’ve ever been about anything in my entire life.”

“Then he’ll forgive you.”

“What if he doesn’t Tama?” he asks in a whisper.

“Then I’ll have to knock some sense into the old man.”

Zuko gasps, and looks at her in shock. “You can’t fight, Uncle,” he says.

Katara smiles. “I won’t have to.”

Zuko blinks, and then nods. 

Katara walks away, and that’s when Zuko enters his uncle’s tent.

“Uncle?”

Zuko hears a snore, and smiles. It was fitting that he had worked up the courage to talk to his uncle, and was thwarted in this manner. Smile still firmly in place, he sat down, and waited.

He must have zoned out or something, because the next thing he knew, Iroh had sat up, and started to stretch. 

Quickly, he launched into his apology, needing to say his piece before Iroh could throw him out. “Uncle I know you must have mixed feelings about seeing me. But I want you to know,” Zuko feels the tears well up, but for once, he doesn’t try to hide his emotions from his uncle. “I am so, so, sorry, Uncle. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I don't know how I can ever make it up to you. But I'll-” he is cut off by Iroh reaching out, and pulling him into a tight hug. He can’t help but question him though, because it shouldn’t be this easy, not for him. “How can you forgive me so easily? I thought you would be furious with me.”

“I was never angry with you, I was just afraid that you had lost your way.”

“I did lose my way.”

“But you found it again, and you did it by yourself.”

“I had help,” Zuko says, pulling away, and gazing at the ground. “I got back, and I was… unhappy. I didn’t want to be there, watching as the world burned, so I left, but without you, and” he gazed up shyly, “my new friends, I wouldn’t have been able to find my way.”

Iroh smiled. “You told them about your Classification?”

Zuko smiles ruefully, and looks away. “I kind of fell apart in front of them when I tried to convince them to let me help, and then I dropped really hard.”

“Have they been kind to you?”

“Of course! They’ve been really awesome. Way better than I deserve, but um don’t tell them that because they get upset when I say things like that.”

Iroh smiles. “You are so calm, nephew, I like seeing you this way.”

Zuko blushes. “I’m sorry that I never able to let down my walls, even though you always-”

“Nonsense. You need not apologize to me for that. You were hurting, and the path you were on had no place for being Little. I’m just happy that I might have the chance to see you in that way now.”

“After we win,” Zuko promises.

Iroh smiles. “I love you, Zuko. No matter what happens or how any of this ends, I just want you to know that.”

Zuko smiled back at him. “I-” His voice was broken, and he was crying so much that he was sure he was going to have a headache soon, but he had to say the words. He had to. “I love you too, Uncle.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one will be the aftermath of Azula, and Zuko's Agni Kai. I was tempted to end it there, but I have an idea that I wanna use so there are going to be a few more chapters of this. Huzzah!


	18. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle between Zuko and Azula

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the idea for this chapter since the start of this fic and it was awesome to be able to write it and I think it turned out well.

It felt unreal, sitting here at the entrance of the palace. They had quickly left the courtyard, neither of them able to get Azula’s grief stricken howls out of their heads while remaining there, even after she was taken away by the ministers. 

Now they were simply waiting to see if the others had been as successful as they had. It felt like some kind of fever dream, but the pain in his chest was an indication that however dreamlike his reality was right, it was indeed real.

Still…

“Katara?”

“Yes, is something wrong? Is it your chest?” she asks, gently running her hands over the wound.

He shakes his head. “Did we win?”

Katara smiles indulgently. “Yes, Zuko, we won.”

Zuko nods. He drifts in and out fo a bit for a while, somewhere between sleep, and awareness, until Katara moves. Instantly, he snaps to full awareness, eyes searching for danger, and then he sees Ozai. 

The monster that had ended so many lives, was there, a beaten shell of a man. Obviously, he has been robbed of his power, and for once he is the one at the mercy of those who were more powerful than he was. 

Zuko expected to feel fear or hatred or something other than what he actually felt now. Maybe it was just that he was in too much pain to care, but all he could summon for the man was indifference.

Ozai caught his eye, and his face curled into a sneer. “Are you going to kill me Fire Lord?”

Zuko blinked. He stood up, pushing Katara away gently. This was something that he had to do on his own. Once he was in front of the man, he smiled. “I don’t take my rage out on defenseless people.” The unlike you, portion was implied so heavily everyone could hear it.

Zuko could feel the disgust and disdain radiating off of Ozai, but it didn't bother him. He was tired, and he wanted nothing more than to fall into the arms of those that loved him. 

“You shall live the rest of your days in a cell, for the crimes you have committed against our people, and you will watch as I restore the honor that our family has stolen from our land.”

Ozai turned away, but Zuko was not finished. He had one more thing to say. The man before may have played a part in his birth, but he was no more a father than Zuko was a Baseline, and it was time to acknowledge that. “From this moment on, I no longer claim you as my father.” 

Ozai didn’t react to his words, but Zuko didn’t care. His eyes roamed over to the others. Katara was working on Sokka’s leg, and Suki was holding Sokka’s hand, so it must really hurt. Despite the pain though, when the other boy caught him looking, he waved happily. 

Toph was talking to Aang, and from what he could overhear, Toph was in favor of roughing Ozai up a little on the way to the cell, and Aang was trying to convince her that it wasn’t worth it.

Then he saw them. 

One arrayed in green, and the other in blue. One who had taken the role as father, guiding and scolding him, and the other that had willingly offered to claim the title that Ozai had discarded.

When they saw that they had his attention, they both called his name. A glance of understanding was exchanged between them, and then they smiled, and waited.

It was then that it hit him. They had won, All the people that he cared far had survived the war, and were here with him. 

The next thing he knew he was running, closing the distance between them. It hurt so much, but he didn’t care. By the time he had reached them, his face was flushed, and wet with tears, but he stopped right in front of them, much to their confusion. 

Zuko swallowed hard, and wiped away his tears. He had something super important to say to them. “Uncle.”

“Yes, Zuko?”

His next word was hesitant, but he was a brave boy, he had to be cause he was the Fire Lord now. “Daddy.”

Hakoda smiled widely at that. “Yes, Zuko?”

“We won,” Zuko announced proudly, he swayed a little, feeling a bit dizzy, and then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was tempted to end it here cause it started with Zuko passing out, and it would have been nice to end with that, but of course I have a few more ideas before I want to end this so it is what it is.


	19. Awake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they should just stay together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really I didn't want to pile yet more sadness onto Zuko but this chapter was planned from the start.

Waking up was hard, way harder than it should have been, and he was half tempted to just go back to sleep. It was like his body was covered in that goop from when he had visited the dragons, but this time it was worse because there was no one to get him out of it or distract him from his circumstances. 

Unable to move, the most he could do was ask himself questions. The important ones being: how long had he been laying here? Where even was here? Had everything that happened, all the good, and bad, been a dream? 

Suddenly he was consumed with the fear that the people who he was just starting to believe actually wanted to keep him, were nothing more than his own infantile imaginings, brought about by sheer desperation. Adrenaline flooded his system, and he was able to force his way past his exhaustion, and forced his eyes to open. His panic only grew once he saw where he was. He was alone, and worse than that was the fact that he was inside the palace. He, the disgraced prince, was all alone, and he was terrified. He was already overwhelmed, and was just barely managing to control himself, and of course it was then that he felt it. The wetness was unmistakable. 

He stuffed his fingers in his mouth chewing on them to muffle the sobs that shook his body. Pain shot through him relentlessly as he shook with the force of his crying, but he didn’t care, he couldn’t care, he had no reason to care. Everything had been a dream, and any minute Zula or Ozai would walk in, and beat and burn him for being a useless failure who couldn't even be born with the right Classification. 

He wanted his family, his real family, made of people who didn’t have to care about him, but did anyway, he wanted his paci and bottle, and he just wanted to not be here in this scary nightmare where love was something that had to be earned..

He wanted to scream, and let everyone around know how much he was hurting, but he couldn’t cause he was posed to be Baseline. If he was a Baseline he'd have control over all of this. He wasn’t Baseline though, and more importantly, he didn’t want to pretend to be one either because that wasn’t who he was. He was a Little! 

Suddenly, through his tears he could see a group of people assembled in his doorway.

They were there, and… 

Zuko wailed. Letting the full force of his sobs be set free. It was all real. All of it was really real. He hadn’t imagined anything at all. He was allowed to cry and scream and be as Little as he needed to be, and he wouldn’t be discarded for being who he was. It was okay. It was all okay.

“Tama!” he screamed, choking on his tears as he called out to her. He wanted her to hold him, and sing the lullaby, and make him dry again. He wanted her to call him hers, and make him feel safe, and feel loved. 

Please let them still want him. He would die if they left him. His heart would shatter and he would just die. 

He knew it was needy and selfish, but he couldn’t help it. 

Please, Agni, let them be okay with him asking for what he needed.

~

“Katara, what’s wrong?”

Katara was breathing hard, unable to say what she was feeling. She had been asleep, exhausted after hours, and hours, spent healing her boys from the wounds they had acquired by being brave, and saving the world. Then in the next instant, she didn’t know how she knew, but Zuko needed her  _ now _ . 

She pulled herself to her feet, and ran out of the room. She knew she was worrying Suki, who had been put in charge of helping her get ready for bed, so that she could rest for a while, but there was no time to waste. On the way to Zuko’s room, she saw Sokka hobbling down the hall. Toph was trying to help him walk, but he was still very unsteady. 

One look at him showed that he had felt the same compulsion to go to Zuko that she had. Thankfully, Hakoda, who had been coming to get Katara was there, and was quick to lift Sokka into his arms, so that he wouldn’t hurt himself. The fact that Sokka didn’t raise a fuss about being carried when he wasn’t Little, showed just how much he needed to get where he was going.

‘I should’ve stayed with him,’ Sokka thought. He knew why they had made him rest in a different room, both he and Zuko were hurt, and they would both worry about each other too much if they were together, but he still should have put up more of a fight.

“What happened?” Katara asked, in the few seconds it took to get to Zuko’s room. 

“He panicked, I couldn’t get through to him at all.”

Zuko was still on his bed, his tears streaming relentlessly, and biting his fingers hard enough to make them bleed. He was clearly very distressed, and it took mere moments for them to notice that he had been so overwhelmed that he had wet himself.

Once he saw them, really became aware that they were there for him, his crying increased in intensity. 

“Tama!” 

Katara flew over to him. Pulling him into a gentle hug so she wouldn't aggravate his injuries. He held on to her as tightly as he could, and it was clear that he was scared that she would leave him the moment that he let her go.

Katara hummed the lullaby, as she dried his clothing, and bed with her bending. She definitely should have diapered him, but between caring for his wounds, and all of the others, she had been exhausted, and her dad had forced her to go get some rest, and she had forgotten to ask him to do it. Unfortunately, it meant that there was yet another thing to add to Zuko’s panic when woke up.

Suki, and Toph came closer, settling close to them, and gently touching Zuko in an effort to calm him. 

Hakoda placed Sokka on the bed, and Zuko peeked over at him. “Bear,” he choked out.

“‘M here Zuzu,” he said, cuddling as close as he could. 

Seeing that the kids had the situation in hand, Hakoda slipped away to grab a few things. When he returned, he saw that Zuko was dozing, it wasn’t a surprise, he was still badly hurt, and all that crying would have sapped any remaining energy he had managed to retain.

It was the work of moments between, he, Katara, and Suki, to clean Zuko off, and get him dressed in a diaper, and a new set of sleep pants. By the time they finished Zuko was mostly asleep, but he woke up a bit when the nipple of the bottle touched his lips. 

Zuko let Suki hold, and feed him, but he kept Katara’s hand clutched in his own. He managed to finish the bottle before drifting off completely. The others curled around him, being careful of his chest, and Sokka’s leg. The bed was more than big enough to hold them all, and if staying would make sure Zuko woke without panicking, well they were all happy to stay there.


	20. Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The generals should know better...

Meetings were the bane of Zuko’s existence. Everyone knew of his Classification now, there was no hiding it, and to his own surprise, he found he never wanted to do so anyway. It was painful hiding that side away, and it was not worth it. However, the drawback was that as a result of his youth, and the fact that he was a Little most of the idiots in power assumed that he would be nothing more than a figurehead for the nation.

Of course the fact that he actually was fully intent on doing the job, came as a surprise to them, and unfortunately most of them were so set in their ways that they were unhappy with most of his choices.

After one particularly intense meeting, Zuko was on edge, and was ready to snap. The flames in the room flickered, and he had to struggle to regain his control.

Unfortunately, one of the generals chose that moment to give a comment, that was just shy of being pure slander, and Zuko knew that he needed to put the man in his place.

“So, you think that my Class is a weakness?” he asked. It was rhetorical, but the man still replied.

“I am just acknowledging that to an enemy, a Little would be an easy target.”

“Very well,” Zuko said, standing up, and shrugging off his heavy outer layer. “Come, see just how easy a target I am.”

“Is that a challenge?”

Zuko shook his head. “Simply a display, so that you will be unfettered by the worry that some rouge may take my life. In fact, anyone sharing the general’s opinion may join in on this demonstration.”

Several other members of the council grinned, and stood. There were five in total. 

They came at him quickly, but he had trained with all the members in his family of choice. Learning skills outside of a normal firebenders arsenal, and it was simple to shut down their attacks.

He thought to end the demonstration there, with their defeat, but they seemed unaware of how dangerous it was for them if he was to fall into Littlespace, and be in danger. 

He had missed his Little day after all, and Katara had not been happy about that, especially considering how she had rearranged his schedule so that he could happily work himself to death, and still have ample time to be Little.

At least one meal, often dinner, was spent Little, and at night, someone was always with him. One day, bi-weekly, was spent Little from start to finish, and if he was getting too overwhelmed, they would pull him away from work to go play with the turtleducks in the pond for about an hour. 

He wanted to be Little now. He was stressed out, and on edge, and as one of the generals attacked, Zuko let himself be Little. He put up a barrier of fire, surrounding himself, and let out a Cry.

After the incident where he had woken up alone in the palace, the others had talked about how Katara, and Sokka had just known they were needed. Aang was surprised that they hadn’t known about how a Little could Cry. The deeper the bond, the more dangerous a feral Caregiver was, and there was something similar with Little’s as well. A Little’s Cry grew in power, the deeper they bonded, and in cases of extreme duress, a Little’s Cry could not only call their Caregiver, but give them all the power of being feral without the extreme rage that normally accompanied such a state. In rare cases, a Little could even gain protection from a Caregiver they didn’t know. Zuko had just been happy that Ozai hadn’t known about that, because the man would have made a weapon out of it somehow.

Katara, and Sokka were in the room in an instant. Four of the generals were frozen in ice, and one had a sharp blade at his throat.

Zuko put out his flames, and smiled smugly. He was definitely going to be in trouble, but he had a feeling his meetings would be a bit more civil in the future.

Katara turned to him, and yup she was mad. “I understand why this happened,” she said to the room, “but if it ever happens again, I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

Katara froze the last general, and then motioned to Sokka to get Zuko.

“Ready to go, Zuzu?”

Zuko nodded, and took the hand offered to him. Then he smiled at the frozen generals, and with a jaunty wave said, “Bye-bye.”

Together the three of left the meeting chamber, and right before he was out of hearing range of the room, he heard an amused general laughingly say, “I'm not going to say it, but I did warn you.”

Grumbling followed the statement, but Zuko wasn't worried, he knew that they would thaw out eventually, and if nothing else, it was a good chance for them to practice firebending their way out of ice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad to see this over, but I am proud of this fic.


End file.
